Inflatable pub

Possibly the best idea I've seen ever. Every home needs one. Sad thing is, of course they'll all be Irish...

Bomber out

Book and opera ideas…

A life of leisure gives you a whole lot of time to come up with silly ideas. Here’s mine, which revealed itself to me while watching a guy planning his trip to Asia on the tram yesterday;

Asia on a G-string - All you need to know about travel and shagging in the Far East, The ultimate sex tourist’s guide!

• Where to get your nipples felt but not your wallet!
• How to negotiate with Brass! Always ask for a free sample!
• Where to get jiggy jiggy for FREE!
• Unlock exotic secrets such as the Hot and Cold Surprise!
• How to avoid getting your wallet emptied!
• How to avoid VD / pregnancy / marriage!
• Post-tsunami discounts!
• PRE-tsunami discounts (shout “wave” and see how many you can get on your old chap at once!)
• more more more, oh yes more!

Includes pull out maps of all major jiz-joint locations, bars are ranked by the quality of their girls, the % rip off compared to normal bar prices and the connections that the owner has with the local force! Hotels are ranked by hourly rate and % chance of lice infection!

Special supplement; How to avoid bumping into the Seventh fleet. Free cut out American phrase book in case of an unavoidable encounter; they’ll think you’re one of their shipmates when you come out with such arcane Americanisms as “Gee, these bitches is HOT!” and “is that US dyallars ma’am?”

Field researched by our special consultants in Thailand, The Phillipines, Singapore etc, this is THE guide to getting your rocks off in Asia. They’re always working to update their research, so we’ve included a web service so you can keep right up to date with the latest police crack downs, disease outbreaks and discounted shag hotels!

Also available in German with special section on how to spot the lady-boys for a night of young-boy fun, Ya!

Unfortunately I should have had this idea 4 years ago when I HAD a network of researchers, but now you’re all married and I’d have to rely on Scots Mark, who, aside from constantly proving himself unreliable, is even claiming to have a girlfriend these days (although he did meet her in the “Duty Free” at Angeles airport, which is a funny name for it, really).

Also had an idea for a Korean opera / Who comeback tour “Kimchi Wizard” but that one’s a little disposable, frqnkly

See? Just exploding with ideas!

Bloody Magic numbers were sold out and ex-executive Elv's suggestion didn't work so we went out for dinner instead. I’m going to try for FLC and Stereophonics tickets today. See how, lah!

Bomber out

Hi fellas

Just a short note to let you know that I arrived in Brussels safe and sound on the weekend. Still no internet at home, although the ADSL modem is now physically in the flat, so probably maximum a month to get it connected up. I have a full set of contact details now, they are;

phone; +32 2 344 9893
mobile; +32 4995 30798
Address;
100 Ave Winston Churchill
Uccle
1180
Brussels
Belgium

I offered up my bottom services to the firm in HK and have 2 thingies on in the next couple of weeks, one in Austria and one in Paris or Lyon (not confirmed yet). I have tried to sell myself as "the bloke you trust in Europe" on the basis that it would be cheaper to send me to Austria on a glass inspection than someone from HK. This sounded like a good idea at the time but it has quickly become clear that it might be more difficult than it at first seems. See; it cost 7,000 HKD for me to fly return from Brussels to Hong Kong. A flight from Brussels to Austria is, wait for it, 700 Euro, or exactly the same price. The train costs 350 Euro and takes 12 hours each way, for fuck's sake. I'm going to need to find a cheaper way of doing this or my flow of work won't last long. Paris is no stress, 50 euro or so and an hour and a half on the train but if you want to mix it up with the Krauts, get your cheque book out. Out of the UK a lot of this is pretty do-able, because of all the discount monkeys operating. Out of Brussels, there are far fewer choices, though. In fact, the cheapest way might be to transfer through Stanstead. Satying overnight in that town will be a laugh...

Brussels is fun so far. TONS of beer, which I intend to start covering in a weekly beer spot, and LOADS of bands. The Magic Numbers play tonight, Stereophonics and Fun Lovin' Crims later this month, the Stripes, Starsailor and Oasis in October. This is roughly the volume of quality live music that I have experienced in the whole of last 12 years rolled into a 6 week period. Even better (how could it be better, I hear you gasp!); ticket prices are generally around 20 Euro, about a third of what you'd pay in HK for the same thing. Work? who needs it?!

Bomber out