Pavarotti dies, no the other Pavarotti




Gingerano Pavarotti was found dead today in his London residence, flat on his back with his trousers undone.

His wife, Juliana, told police that he was absolutely definitely not out at the curry house and pissed stupid the night before, because he'd called her and told her so. This despite the fact that an autopsy revealed the presence of a chicken Korma, 2 naan bread and 7 pints of Kingfisher Lager in Gingerano's distended gut.

Interviewed at the scene, DI Morse stated that the "lesser" Pavarotti, as he was lovingly known by his fans, would be sorely missed. "I was once privileged to attend a performance of his 'Park Life' many years ago. It was a small venue, the something-page. I don't think it's there any more. The rendition was breathtaking. It was the evening of his famous 'can't you see?' performance art piece, you really can't define experiences like that in a way that gives them justice. Honestly, I don't know why he is thought of as 'lesser' possibly his hair colour, but really a true connoisseur learns to look past such petty annoyances."

Later, DS Lewis more matter-of-factly stated "he was clearly some sort of poof, a real man would at least eat a Jalfrezi. All I can say is thank god he didn't have his pubes out when the police photographer arrived, imagine how that would have been for his poor wife. I hear it was a bit of a party piece of his, like."

A farewell concert is being considered, possibly in the recently re-opened "Elvis" venue. The family have requested flowers in the hue of orange, to suit the occasion.

Bomber out