Book and opera ideas…

A life of leisure gives you a whole lot of time to come up with silly ideas. Here’s mine, which revealed itself to me while watching a guy planning his trip to Asia on the tram yesterday;

Asia on a G-string - All you need to know about travel and shagging in the Far East, The ultimate sex tourist’s guide!

• Where to get your nipples felt but not your wallet!
• How to negotiate with Brass! Always ask for a free sample!
• Where to get jiggy jiggy for FREE!
• Unlock exotic secrets such as the Hot and Cold Surprise!
• How to avoid getting your wallet emptied!
• How to avoid VD / pregnancy / marriage!
• Post-tsunami discounts!
• PRE-tsunami discounts (shout “wave” and see how many you can get on your old chap at once!)
• more more more, oh yes more!

Includes pull out maps of all major jiz-joint locations, bars are ranked by the quality of their girls, the % rip off compared to normal bar prices and the connections that the owner has with the local force! Hotels are ranked by hourly rate and % chance of lice infection!

Special supplement; How to avoid bumping into the Seventh fleet. Free cut out American phrase book in case of an unavoidable encounter; they’ll think you’re one of their shipmates when you come out with such arcane Americanisms as “Gee, these bitches is HOT!” and “is that US dyallars ma’am?”

Field researched by our special consultants in Thailand, The Phillipines, Singapore etc, this is THE guide to getting your rocks off in Asia. They’re always working to update their research, so we’ve included a web service so you can keep right up to date with the latest police crack downs, disease outbreaks and discounted shag hotels!

Also available in German with special section on how to spot the lady-boys for a night of young-boy fun, Ya!

Unfortunately I should have had this idea 4 years ago when I HAD a network of researchers, but now you’re all married and I’d have to rely on Scots Mark, who, aside from constantly proving himself unreliable, is even claiming to have a girlfriend these days (although he did meet her in the “Duty Free” at Angeles airport, which is a funny name for it, really).

Also had an idea for a Korean opera / Who comeback tour “Kimchi Wizard” but that one’s a little disposable, frqnkly

See? Just exploding with ideas!

Bloody Magic numbers were sold out and ex-executive Elv's suggestion didn't work so we went out for dinner instead. I’m going to try for FLC and Stereophonics tickets today. See how, lah!

Bomber out