'appy l'afternoon

I signed up for something that I thought I never would stoop to today, although it's bee inevitable for a while now. French lessons.

I have been mulling over the possibilities for a month now and hiring a full time translator seems impractical (without a job) so I supplicated myself and called at Alliance Francais this morning. I thought I had got away with it when they told me that the next term didn't start until July (oh damn, never mind, I tried) but then I got caught out. I could take a placement test. a french test! Oh my fucking Christ. I do not recommend this to anyone who had the standard UK french language education experience. There I sat in front of some french bint, not having spoken a word of the "language of Love" in about 20 years with her refusing to speak any english. Sweaty palms, the lot, let me tell you. What a horror! \Over a period of 5 minutes (seemed like 2 hours) she wrote down three things;

• Comprend un peu
• Parle un peu
• Tres hesitant

That I understood them is perhaps testament to the franglish brainwashing I received at school.

She then asked me to write a few sentances intoducing my wife, Bubble. A fucking French essay! cunts.

At the end she said my level of French is "not good". It surprised me that she would say this, surely if my level was "good" then I wouldn't need fucking lessons would I? She then "allowed" me to enter the level 2 (bit like grade 2, I suppose; 8 year olds...) and "consented" to take my money off me for the course, for which I will probably only get 1/2 a term now, although I have to pay for the whole thing.

So, tomorrow night it's cassette tapes and earphones and "je m'apelle Bummer" for me from 8 to 9 friggin' 30

Can't they all just learn English? Actually, what really grates is that they all already know it but they still make me learn. Fuckers.

On a funnier note this story from AFP. I liked this not for the political moralising over whether or not it's right to provide trining funds to strippers (of course it's right, how would they get any good?) but the wonderful description given;

pole dance -- a routine generally seen in strip clubs in which scantily clad women drape themselves suggestively around a pole in time to music

How BBC.

Bomber (le) out