Bomber's blog

2009-01-10T10:30:00.001-08:00

Bloody cold ride in the ardennes

fun though.... <- pictures there

Crazy Kiwis

2009-01-07T08:11:00.001-08:00

Some Kiwi dudes are going to cut open a 3m long Great white shark in front of the public tomorrow. Hopefully the remains of several missing surfers won't slop out all over their shoes. Or maybe they will, depending on your perspective on the whole "Surfers are a waste of fucking oxygen" debate .... and, they're posting a video on the internet for us poor saps who can't make it in person.

Either way, too good to miss

http://www.aucklandmuseum.com/Default.asp?t=913

2009-01-01T06:27:00.000-08:00

Don't get excited, I probably won't post anything more for another 6 months. just found a site called Map My Ride though which seeems cool so I'm testing their imbed map thingy to see what it looks like. This is my commute to work.

Antwerp commute
Find more Commutes in Antwerp, Belgium

2008-12-23T05:47:00.001-08:00

Hopefully this will link to a slideshow of our pictures from the black forest laast month.

Canada is snowier and christmassier than those pictures and has less germans in.

Off last minute shopping now then to ottawa for xmas with the outlaws. Junior world chapionship hockey game on boxing day promises to be bloody good fun. I tell ya, the puns they just keep a comin'

Black Forest '08
http://www.flickr.com/photos/77706826@N00/sets/72157611556282644/show/

A selection of things from the set

(By the way, if the set link doesn't work, try copying and pasting it from this email into your browser's address bar.)

Flickr is almost certainly the best photo management and sharing application in the world. If you'd like to see what I use it for you can check out my profile page or browse my photostream.

2008-05-13T21:44:00.000-07:00

Sparky nuptials photos

Album of Jules' photos here

Some one please, please p-shop minime BNP Sparky for me...

Bomber out

2008-04-03T12:45:00.000-07:00

More pictures

thought I'd posted the second set already. nvm, here they are;

Week 2 Bonaire
Underwater pics

2008-03-31T04:29:00.000-07:00

Pictures from week 1 in Bonaire. Must dash, beer to drink

2008-02-21T11:12:00.000-08:00

Will There Be Blood? Fucking Right there will!

We got tickets to the Belgian premier of There Will Be Blood . Sounds all glitzy but, frankly, it wasn't sold out so whatever,really.

The reviews all make this film sound great and given the title especially in that old gothic font, I just knew we were in for some great times. No trailers this time, I suppose if they'd had them they would have been 30 days of night, 28 weeks later and some other stuff, but nvm, I knew what to expect. Cue 20 minutes of dialog free intro, in which we see our hero digging holes in the dessert, breaking his left foot (huh? huh? ... see what I did there?) and generally prospecting about the place. I'd been told to expect this and was a bit apprehensive but it didn't seem as labourious as it sounds. That soundtrack though ... the rising discordant strings seem to render even open hillsides claustrophobic ... I just knew I was going to shit myself when the vamps finally showed up. Afterall, Daniel day lewis in a vampire movie is something I've been waiting for for, like, ever. He's so picky about the projects he's in that I just knew this was going to be special. OK, OK so Gangs was a load of toss, but he tapped his eyeball with the tip of a kitchen knife in that so I let him off.

So, he digs some holes, breaks his ankle and that, then ..... nothing. Huh? what's with all the daylight and desert and that? I've got something wrong here. I was sure that with the title and the font and everything that this must be a modern interpretation of Nosferatu eats the fuck outta Texas. Seems I was wrong. Must be a monster movie. That's right, he's going to dig a whole too deep and unleash some oily terror. Like A historical fiction version of Cloverfield, only no cities or annoying teenagers and that..

Second bit (act, what?) and he's just moved into a new area and is digging more holes. As he gets more cash the holes get deeper. Sooon prescious. He's mucking about in the bottom of the hole and chiping away at the side and .... and .... here it comes .... and ... nothing. WTF? Where are the monsters? The chick who gave the speech at teh beginning of the film said 2 things; it's three hours long and one of the greatest movies of the decade. Greatest movie of the decade and not one vampire, zombie or even an oilsoaked megamonster? 3 hours with no CGI? I started to panic. Bubble calmed me down with a can of Stella (one reason to love Belgian cinemas ... now just sort out the fucking seat numbering you tossers) and I resigned myself to some sort of arty character driven whotsit about prospectors and the locals that they shaft to get at what's under the desert in Texas. 3 fucking hours and no monsters.....

DD Lewis plays this guy Daniel Plainview (I like it when the help the actors like that. DDL has a shit short term memory apparantly). He certainly earns his crust. He stomps around in this strange trouser / boot combination that is supposed to be just sooo last century and gives him huge comedy feet, kind of like they all used to have in Halo Jones way back when 2000AD and I had similar mindsets. He commands those around him like some sort of one man industrial revolution, which I probably would have recognised as the metaphor was I not weeping into my beer over the complete lack of an undead hoarde. He's got this son who doesn't really do much (at one point I thought he might be the antichrist, if he was he kept damn quiet about it) and then there's this preacher who you see DDL slappnig in the trailer so you just know that he's bound to go toe to toe with this bastard, although while I'd definitely lay my life savings down on an Angelus/DDL a non undead version I'm not so sure of. These are evangelists afterall, a tough bunch of bastards and when you don't believe in evolution, you could be forgiven for fighting like you've nothing to lose. Most of the battles between the 2 are passive/agressive jibing, however, there's not much actual mudwrestling or knife fights and absolutely no neck biting, but it has given me a few ideas to use on the cunts at work.

So, Plainview is our very central character. He has two relationships outside of work, one with his son and one with this preacher dude. Both have tremendous potential to be great stories in themselves and I don't think either of them are carried to satisfactory conclusion. The preacher is definitely the more polished of the two characters. The son, well, maybe I'm just stupid, but I never felt I got to know him at all and so couldn't sympathise with the situation. There is plenty to sympathise with aswell. You know with a movie like this that you're not going to get a happy ending and this certainly delivers on that front. The camera work is that side of quirky that makes critics cream themselves (LOTS of off subject refocus stuffs) and the music fit the film perfectly while seeming incongruous at the same time, which I supose is a good thing. Unlikely that the CD soundtrack will beat out X-factor for No. 1 any time soon though.

All in all, worth it for DDL's performance. I was left cold by the 2 other central characters, although the preacher had his moments, but perhaps I was working through the dissappointment of no vamps.

Oh, and there's no-one .... NO-ONE ... in this movie that you will want to see neked so it's a bonus that everyone keeps their clothes on.

Bomber out

2008-02-17T03:34:00.000-08:00

No Country for Old Men

I hate the very idea of going to the cinema in Brussels. I hate it because you can't reserve seats. Anywhere. This means you need to be there an hour before or accept sitting in some obscure fucking corner behind the tallest dutch bloke you ever laid eyes on and 2 seats across from some french prick intent on spending the whole movie on his pissing mobile phone or texting .. while eating popcorn and smelling. This mixed with the fact that I have a projector at home and that Amazon have most movies on DVD before the Belgians have even scheduled a release explains the fact that I have only been to the cinema once since I got to Belgium (except for the BIFFF, but that's a bit different) That was to watch Little Children and that was rubbish, despite full frontal Kate Winslet having bottom sex, thus justifying my continued policy of being a home movie watcher.

My list of movies to watch has been getting longer and longer of late, though. Mostly this is due to the fact that there seems to be just so many good movies being released in the first half of this year. Some of them even being released in Belgium before Amazon has discounted them on DVD! I needed a plan. Thinking about it, I realised that there are 2 options other than those I outlined above, either of which might make the Belgian cinema experience bearable; Go at a time when no one else will be there (matinées) or choose a movie unlikely to get the movie watching public excited (complete lack of dancing Penguins). I had needed a plan, now I had one. For a fuller chance at success, I decided to do both.

So, on Saturday afternoon after my morning bike ride Bubble and I went to see No Country for Old men. No singing Penguins and a matinée, we were sure to be alone ... and so we were. I really hadn't expected it to work, I felt sure that the critical acclaim circling the Coen Brothers "return to form" and "best movie since Fargo" would have them flocking to the theaters for all showings. I needn't have worried, there were probably 30 of us, everyone else was in Rue Neuve shopping or watching the penguins on the other (bigger) screen next door. Their loss, the pricks. As such, Bubble I and 25 or so other people sat in a small theater (capacity probably about 200) with a feeling like we were at some sort of press screening. There was something about the crowd too. Many of them were alone. None of them (NONE) had popcorn. These folks didn't come here to be entertained, they came to watch a Movie, they came to experience Cinema. If they got some confusing shit like Oh Brother or some story about a guy being so boring he disappears, there was going to be a (small) riot. The Coens must have been shaking in their boots.

The previews ran and I knew we were in good shape. Of course the previews at the beginning of any movie are pitched at the projected audience of the main feature so one would expect them to give you an early insight into what you are about to get. I'm sure there are several instances where this rule has been broken to hilarious end, like showing a trailer for Ken Park in the opening sequence of whatever Pixar movie came out that year but I can't remember one so I'd be making it up if I gave you an example (erm). The previews that ran before NCfOM (as I shall call it from here on to save space and prolong the onset of RSI) were right on the money; This is England, There will be blood, The Savages. All were on my movie list (Except I admit, the Savages, but that gets there under the general "everything with Philip Seymour Hoffman in" rule).

And so to the movie. Look ... frankly, if you're interested in this film and were underwhelmed by the Coens two last outings then you will have been paying attention and heard some of the critical hype already. In short, it boils down to the two quotes I mentioned above plus stuff like "Javier Bardem is magnificent", "Javier Bardem has the scariest haircut in movie history", "Has an unconventional ending that will leave some viewers wondering what happened but only if you're not seriously into movies" (sort of thing) and on and on, lots of it about Bardem.

Most of this I actually agree with, although you'd have to do better than put a big bloke in a medieval bob to get the scariest-haircut-in-movie-history Oscar nod from me. Of course I am now bound to research the issue, but I feel confident we can do better.

Of course I can only say so much without going into spoilerz and I fully intend not to because you should go and see this movie. I really struggle to think of the type of individual who would get less than the 2 hours of their life and the cost of admission is worth from it. Sure you will find those who need to have exploding helicopters handed to them on a plate and singing animals in the background but I severely doubt that any of them would ever read anything I wrote so I think I'm on safe ground when I say go see it. Just incase though, suffice to say that the following do not appear in this movie

Sex
Helicopters (blowing up or otherwise)
Aliens
Large rocks heading at breakneck pace towards a terrified earth
Kiera Knightly

What we do have, in contrast are;

Characters big and small, central and periphery
Subtle meandering plotline
Good acting
Desert ... More Desert
Loads of dead Mexicans (not that I'm against mexicans per se, but there are lot of dead ones in this film)
The best ever border crossing into Mexico made by a man with a gunshot wound

The movie starts with our hero stumbling across a deathly tableau in the desert. Ton of mexicans, all dead and a truckload of brown packets, probably full of something not very legal and a whole bunch of cash. Our hero does the only sensible thing and makes off with the cash. So far so formulaic. There have been dozens of films which start of this way and move on to be cautionary tales about how money ruins you. You'll all have seen at least one, but A Simple Plan stands out as one of note that starts in an almost identical way while also not being shit (if you haven't seen A simple Plan, I really recommend it, make sure you're not having a depressing week though, you'll need the buffer). Such a movie can go a few ways from here, ours goes to the chase. Our hero is soon under persuit by the haircut himself, Anton Chigurh (Bardem) and separately by a bunch of very alive and heavily armed Mexicans. Transamerican chasery ensues. In the background, the local sheriff (Tommy Lee Jones) is following the events, always one step behind the action and feeling it.

The acting is all on the superb end of things. Bardem really is as good as the critics say. There's a very small scene where Chigurh is sitting on his quarry's couch, having just missed our departing hero and a mite before the sheriff gets there, with a glass of milk in his hand. His face is rock, all you can hear is his breath. It's terrifying.

The Sheriff, TLJ, is .... well .... TLJ, just 10 years older and without the swagger that we all grew to know and love on the Fugitive etc. The older comportment brings with it a gravity and world weariness that could probably only have been topped by Clint Eastwood, but then you wouldn't have got the dry humour and southern drawl that TLJ brings to the party which would probably have made the whole enterprise unbearably depressing. Plus Clint would have killed everyone with a very big revolver and then had bastard children with all the women. Probably.

Llewelyn Moss (our Hero) is played by Josh Brolin who I don't remember seeing before and looking at his filmography I can see why, the last movie he was in that I've seen was The Hollow Man, although American Gangster and the Grindhouse stuff is on my ever lengthening list. He's good in this, it's far from Genius but he carries a major part amongst an ensemble cast with aplomb, mostly I suspect by acting it very honestly straight, but it's no mean feat for that.

In fact, and I really hate to say this because I love his stuff, but the biggest let down (a very relative statement in this film admittedly) was Woody Harrelson. I was really pissed off that he didn't get more time in A Scanner Darkly and he probably gets less here, but I have to say I'm less sad about it. His character is somewhat of a guardian angel interlude during after a climax in the chase, he opens the movie up and allows us all a bit of time to breath. Perhaps then it's not fair to lay into him for propping the movie open but after he was gone, I just found myself thinking "meh ... now what's Chigurh going to do next?"

As far as the plot is concerned, that is provided by the book of the same name written my Cormac Mac Carthy. He's apparantly some famous writer dude , but you could have fooled me, I've never heard of him. Anyway, this is a departure for the coens (their first adaptation) and the first reason why I don't agree with the critical comment "a return to form". True, previous stuff has been influenced and laden with references to other stuff etc etc but, if the pundits are to be believed, this is a faithful retelling of the book, almost word-for-word. The other reasons extend to the fact that, while yeah there's cops and some dead guys, just like Fargo and Blood Simple (although, thinking about it, Blood Simple had no cops in it, not even one) and this one scene where you know the Deputy is desparate to say "and then you got this execution type deal" this movie is different in one very important aspect. It is not farce. While there is some wry humor from the Sheriff, our linchpin to the tale as a whole, this is a full blooded thriller with dramatic underpants on. Actually I did hear one critic, just today, saying that the difference is that in the past the Coens have dealt with violence and death lightly, here they bring weight to the subject, which I think is half right. Actually, my take is that the Coens have always wanted to make this kind of film but found they couldn't write it themselves. Look at Blood Simple.

Here is a very stripped down tale of a dude's wife running off with one of his employees. Said dude hires a guy to kill the both of them, but the killer has a better idea and takes the money then kills the client with the wife's gun, framing her. Coincidence ensues and the barman arrives on scene, makes the same conclusion that the cops are supposed to and proceeds to clean up after his lover. Of course the killer was incompetent (I'll get to this in a minute) and the husband isn't actually dead. On the way to the burial site he manages to get out of the car and is crawling down the road with the barman lacking the balls to finish the job. Instead he buries him alive in the middle of a potato(e) field so neatly ploughed that Neil Armstrong coiuld have looked up from the moon and seen where it had happened ... 50 feet from the farmhouse. Here a dramatic premise and what could have been a very short simple story descends into farce (in a good way). I don't think the Coens could help themselves. The structure of using someone else's work, though, probably kept them in line and what we have is NCfOM.

Another major difference a major departure from a central tenet of the Coen's work (pointed out to me by Dave years ago) is that, in the earlier movies (especially Blood Simple and the big Lebowski and throughout most of Fargo) all the characters are irredeemably stupid. This is not true of NCfOM. All major characters are smart, resourceful (if a little tired, in the case of the sheriff) and quick on their feet. I'd have to read the book (as if) to see if this comes form there or whether the coens are making a point about their departure form their self imposed exile in the land of the stupid, but in the meantime I know what I'll chose to believe.

OK, that took longer to write than the movie took to watch. In other news, I went for a ride today and got a stick in my front wheel after about 10 minutes. I didn't get thrown off the bike (something that I could have dusted myself off from and carried on) no, I ripped 6 spokes from my front wheel. Thus I'm sitting at home writing this instead of mountain biking. Hope you enjoyed it.

Bomber out

2007-11-23T21:45:00.001-08:00

NEXT

saw this on DVD last night

it's a Philip K Dick short story movified with Nick cage, Julianne Moore and Jessica Beil.

OK. Stop. Why the fuck would I watch yet another PKD hashup staring none other than the Ghost rider himself, that waste of talent Nick Cage? Well;

- there's a chance that Jess might finally get them out
- I didn't know it was based on PKD when I picked it up
- It was a slow day in the office
- I have low standards

hmm, so let's just say I wasn't expecting much. Let's face it Nick Cage can shine in the right role, even when that role is involved in a plot as proposterous as having your face swapped with a really fat John Travolta, but frankly he's far more miss than hit. Like I said, it had been a slow day.

Synopsis of this movie is that our hero (Cris Johnson, played by Nick) has a special talent, he can see 2 minutes into the future. He uses this to live a low profile existence as a Vegas Magician and card sharp. Doesn't sound low profile? well, it is; he goes to pains to keep it so, being a bit shit at audience interaction and not being too greedy at the tables. Cue the FBI (huh?) and they have a terrorist group bringing in a nuclear bomb. They (somehow) get wind of NC's talents and move to recruit him. The terrorists get wind of the FBIs interest in NC and move to snipe his face off. Meanwhile, NC has found out something intriguing about Jess Biel and moves to get in her pants. Cue NC and JB chase scene as they run away from the FBI and terrorists, although JB doesn't know this yet, she just seems to think they're off teaching indian kids on a reserve (huh?).

Compare this with the synopsis I found for the book which this is apparantly based on

Quote:

The Golden Man
In the post-nuclear America, monstrous mutants roam freely. A government agency, the DCA, is formed to rid the world of mutants. But there is one of the new species that is not a monster: eighteen year old Cris Johnson. He is a perfect specimen of young manhood, an icon of masculine beauty. He is the golden man. But the DCA's fear that he might mate and produce a new race of golden men with survival skills far superior to ordinary men makes his destruction paramount

erm I think the phrase we're looking for here is "possibly very lightly inspired by PKD short story The Golden Man" or even "one of the producer's daughters once read the Golden man and thought Cris Johnson was a kinda neat name for a hero". Golden Man is one of PKD's stories that I haven't read, I'd be inteersted to hear from someone who has whether the FBI and nuke toting taroists figure in his plot.

OK, so let's move forward on the assumption that this isn't really a PKD hash-up at all and just that it's yet another almost-straight-to-video Nick Cage movie. In these terms I rather enjoyed it. Jess (yet again) completely fails to get them out and really is an awfully wooden, if pretty, love interest. The terrorists are your mean professional type and thankfully not your yashmak wearing mid-east stereotypes but instead seem to be mostly French, which was a nice touch. The ideology of their operation is never mentioned. Have a Bonus point.

The movie's plot is convoluted enough to have several commetators crying PLOT HOLE when they shouldn't have. Well, it does involve time, something which most of the viewing public wouldn't even recognise as a dimension. The plot hole that isn't involves our Jess and a spoiler so I won't tell you but it is fundamental to the movie and provides it with its ending, which I won't tell you either coz that would be spoilery too.

The really unexplained things for me are why in the hell the FBI, knowing that they have a nuke coming into the country, are concentrating on some loser in vegas who can see OMG... 2 minutes into the future ... and they have support and resourcing for this, rather than being told "WTF you cretins, get back on that fucking geiger counter and find the bastard bomb". The written movie backstory suggests that they had Nick in custody as a kid so perhaps they had a file on him, but that's not mentioned in the film and even then what are they going to do, wait until 2 minutes before the bomb goes off then ask him "what direction did the flash come from?" "sorry, I won't see it, my eyes were instantly vaproized along with teh rest of me" oops, 2 minutes up. Also, why would the terrorists know / give a fuck? Some explanatory footage missing here requiring a bit of

Acting. hmmmm. Jess is pretty wood. Nick does OK, but no better than normal, certainly not standout. Julianna Moore is very FBI, there's this one thing she does in the middle of the film which is wicked, but is more plotwork than acting so can't credit her really. Basically about as good, perhaps a bit better, than one would expect from a nick cage movie .. so not all that great really.

Effects are quite ropey. As one might expect from someone who can look into the future (if only a bit into it) Nick is able to use his abilities to get out of scrapes and some of them (one in particular) is set up in grand fasion, with our hero carreening down a canyon side being followed by a couple of hundred tons of runaway mixed farm equipment. IMDB does say that the overall budget was about 70M so perhaps they had nothing left after they bought the farm. In the last act, they do take the gloves off a bit with bullet dodging and that, but the matrix this is not and frankly these days it bloody should be.

In the end, I think that the plot is interesting enough to make it worth a view. The explainations of some major plot points (especially the one which had IMDB critics crying foul) are not rammed down your throat, but they are there. Worth a rainy night in.

Quite frankly though, I want to see the original with mutants and monsters and everything. Maybe Jess would finally get them out then?

2007-11-16T10:58:00.000-08:00

The illusionist

I saw this last night on DvD.

Set in Germany or Austria, can't be arsed to look it up, let's call it Ausmany, it's about a carpenter's son (Aaron Johnson) and amateur magician who falls for a local barroness or somesuch (Elanour Thomlinson) and impresses her by pulling balls magically out of her whotsit, or something.

He's judged (and rightly so) to be not nearly good enough for such high class crumpet by the local fuzz and leaves town at the beginning of the film. End of prologue.

Now the film starts....

Returning as an adult, our male lead is now Ed Norton and our bit of stuff has grown up into that lovely Scarlet Johanssen lookalike Jessica Beil. Jess is, by now, shacked up with Rufus Sewell (who?) playing teh crown prince of Ausmany, who does a good impression of being a Jude Law stand in and general all round arrogant royal Danny Baker type.

Illusion based shennanigans ensue

OK. I've failed to mention the most important person in this film, but I'll come to him in a minute, however I need to set something straight first.

Jessica Beil is a bit of alright and her "young version" is aswell. Most importantly, one is believably the younger version of the other. Noe the young version is currently in production of a movie titled "Angus, Thongs and Full-Frontal Snogging" which I shall be pre-ordering on DvD, but only for the thongs.

Ed and Aaron, OTOH are a different kettle of fish entirely. If one was, in fact, a fish the other would be a dog or a horse or something else with LEGS BUT NOT FINS. They look about as alike as when those characters used to leave neighbours to "go to uni" and returned 6 months later looking so different that the only thing they had in common with their previous selves was that they were the same sex (probably) which always left me wondering why all the other residents of the lane didn't stand up, point and scream "STRANGER" as soon as the resident shape-shifter walked in the room

I digress....

The prize in this movie is not, in fact, Ed Norton. As great an actor as his Edness is, you're really not getting value for nortonage out of this one. Further, the chance at good full-on frontal Jessica Beilage was sadly wasted (although I did manage to crack one out anyway). No, the prize in this film is Paul Giamatti. This dude is god, a humiliatingly unglamorous, possibly even ugly man (at least by Hollywood perfection standards) Paul Giamatti is one of my favorite actors on screen today. we really don't see enough of this guy. For a real view on what he's capable of, watch American Splendour (probably spelt differently by our Western cousins). He is superb in this film as the police chief, beholden to the Crown prince but from background similar to our hero's and so somewhat sympathetic to his plight.

****small spoiler****
For me, the thrust of this movie is that it is a love story and mystery told through the eyes of the Police chief charged with following our Jess about the place (for her "security") and later investigating Ed Norton when a connection between the two becomes apparant.
****end of small spoiler****

Thus, the "main characters", Ed and Jess, are infact secondary to the story teller ... or they should be. I would have preferred to see much more focus on the deliberations of the police chief (Paul Giamatti). The movie splits personalities between telling the story from Ed's perspective and from Paul's. This gets confusing, as the crux of the issue is the use of illusion and more to the point, the suspicion that it is more than illusion, in the prosecution of the plot so we can't be given too close a view on Ed's machinations or we'd work out what was going on. The difficulty, I suspect, is that Ed is just too big a star to "ignore" in favor of Paul Giamatti. My solution is simple. Don't fucking cast Ed bastid Norton in a role you really don't want a very strong actor in. The movie poster tells all. Ed is front and centre, Paul Giamatti is back left.

Slight schitzophrenia aside, the movie does manage to suspend disbelief and plays with the audience's (and the characters') willingness to believe in magic rather well. Paul Giamatti deserves more respect though.

for more illusion based shennanigans and a superb turn by another 2 faves of mine, Christian Bale and Micheal Caine, try The Prestige

2007-11-10T04:56:00.000-08:00

Congratulations

To Mr Collis on his marriage last weekend to Melanie. We heard about it *just* in time to send an email to the reception. Apparently it was a family only affair, which robbed me of the opportunity to step on the bride's dress, abuse the presents then throw up in the drive way, like I did last time.

The weather sucks balls here at the moment, biking is not enjoyable in this, but we're off to the Huy Downhill course tomorrow. It's my first time there and is apparently quite a short course but I'm sure I'll manage to do some damage. To myself. probably

It'll be a lot wetter and muddier than the sunny day in that vid

last but certainly not least, take a look at this news article from the Manchester Evening News about how good the GEP are at comparing negative numbers. Prize quote;

I phoned Camelot and they fobbed me off with some story that -6 is higher - not lower - than -8 but I'm not having it.

Only english tarts could be that thick.

Bomber out

2007-10-09T08:58:00.000-07:00

13 year old kid's snake bite so bad that his arm bursts .. so he posts pictures of it on the interweb

Ever seen those pictures of the dude with the bites form the Brown Recluse spider? that was for poofs.

You don't need to see this, no really, you don't. Oh, go on then

Oh, and look up Stanford Prison Experiment on wikipedia, remind you of anything?

btw, we were at the Marseilles 1/4 finals at the weekend. All those crying Aussies. Ahhhhhhhh :P

Bomber out

2007-09-06T10:22:00.000-07:00

Pavarotti dies, no the other Pavarotti

Gingerano Pavarotti was found dead today in his London residence, flat on his back with his trousers undone.

His wife, Juliana, told police that he was absolutely definitely not out at the curry house and pissed stupid the night before, because he'd called her and told her so. This despite the fact that an autopsy revealed the presence of a chicken Korma, 2 naan bread and 7 pints of Kingfisher Lager in Gingerano's distended gut.

Interviewed at the scene, DI Morse stated that the "lesser" Pavarotti, as he was lovingly known by his fans, would be sorely missed. "I was once privileged to attend a performance of his 'Park Life' many years ago. It was a small venue, the something-page. I don't think it's there any more. The rendition was breathtaking. It was the evening of his famous 'can't you see?' performance art piece, you really can't define experiences like that in a way that gives them justice. Honestly, I don't know why he is thought of as 'lesser' possibly his hair colour, but really a true connoisseur learns to look past such petty annoyances."

Later, DS Lewis more matter-of-factly stated "he was clearly some sort of poof, a real man would at least eat a Jalfrezi. All I can say is thank god he didn't have his pubes out when the police photographer arrived, imagine how that would have been for his poor wife. I hear it was a bit of a party piece of his, like."

A farewell concert is being considered, possibly in the recently re-opened "Elvis" venue. The family have requested flowers in the hue of orange, to suit the occasion.

Bomber out

2007-08-19T03:03:00.000-07:00

Possibly the best forum thread

...ever in the history of forum threads

I am no forum warrior, but read this through to the end. Starting from the seemingly innocent question "should I ride my bike while taking Pikolax" correspondent Blue Note jumps on the opportunity to take us blow by blow through his personal journey. For those unfamiliar, Pikolax is an industrial strength laxative taken by people preparing for colonoscopy.

Read on.....

Bomber out

2007-08-03T16:47:00.000-07:00

It's got no WHAT???!!!!111!!11one

We drove up from Toronto towards Montreal yesterday and today, staying overnight in Ottowa with Jodi, Andrea's sister. After getting to the wedding venue (well, the hotel, which is a coach ride from the venue itself) we decided to get some KFC greasiness inside us before hitting the hotel bar for a good afternoon's warming up. Of course KFC isn't KFC this side of the "border". Like the way they couldn't just call it MTB and had to come up with Velo Toutes Terrains (cuningly shortened to VTT) KFC here is PKF, wbhich I assume to be short for Poulet Kentucky Frite, although Petty Kunting French would be more like it, frankly. We had no cash so went to the local corner shop, coz they all have cashpoints in here, but it only had 20 C$ left in it so we had that. Luckilly a bucket of chicken was only 15.95. All greased up, we returned to the hotel. By this time it was a pretty respectable 5pm so I was a little surprised to see the bar unmanned, perhaps the indonesian slaveboy that they surely had working there 25 hours a day was serving cocktails by the pool. We sidled up to the reception and I volunteered Bubble to do the whole french speaky thing. I listened in horror, not needing her to translate for me that the hotel bar was only open for functions.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

BUT WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT?!

What a bunch of parochial (french) bastard sons of other french bastards

Luckily (unlike in Ontario) at elast they sell beer in supermarkets here so we quickly shot off to the IGA (local Tescos type thing) and scored some beer. On the upside internet is 6 C$ (about 20p) for 24 hours, so I'm drinking beer and amazing myself at how cheap fast cars are here (S2000 = 50k C$, about 10K cheaper than Belguim, the bastards)

Bomber out

2007-08-01T08:35:00.000-07:00

Oh, Canada

Just back from 2 days biking in the Blue Mountains. Managed to get Andrea out on a downhill bike and she had a blast. Unfortunately she twisted her ankle on the first day, so wasn't able to ride the whole of the second, but all in all a good time. Blue Mountain is about 1 1/2 hours outside of Toronto and as such is overrun with kids. We did have to put up with a lot of arse piercing stories and kids who were totally, like, stoked in the gondola, while stretching up to try and see over the side. My favorite was a little kid with a Kona Stinky Jnr (perhaps the coolest bike on the planet; a fully specced 6" travel Freeride/DH bike, downsized to 24" wheels) who was covered in dust from stacking up on one of the runs. Didn;t care, just wanted to get back up the top and go again. I was relatively stoked myself that I was able to at least keep up with the average rider, something I had not really expected in such a place in such a country. I couldn't talk the rides up as much as they did in the lifts (I don't have the vocabulary) but once on the trail, it all seemed to even out....

We're off to Ottowa this evening then on to Quebec for a dose of french baiting at Sophie's wedding. She's marrying some cypriot guy. I'm guessing very hairy chest and the sexual stamina of a bull elephant in musk. That or she's pregnant. Can't think of anything else that would get her to the altar.

ttfn, I'm off shopping

Bomber out

2007-07-26T04:12:00.000-07:00

Bike and movies and that

The bike is aces. The fork is adjustable and at it's shortest setting turns faster than an italian who's just realised he's losing. The problem with this bike may be that it is too good. First time out I meet a group on the trail and tehy all dribble on my frame. Words such as "awesome" and "Sweeeet" are used. It's a bit like the stinky that way. When we were in the alps, people would look at our 2 bikes and think "Bloody hell, she's riding a cannondale XC bike down the alps, that can't be easy". They'd look at mine and think "Sweet bike, let me see you jump it off that shed, like they do in Roam".

It seems I now own 2 bikes more capaple than I am. Actually 3, if you consider that at least one individual world cup championship was won on a bike almost exactly the same as my (and Bubble's) Cannondale, but no-one remembers that these days anyways. Meantime I'm concentrating on how much fun the new bike is. I've been riding it in the Don Valley, which is a forested valley running right through the heart of Toronto. Local yout have developed a trail there, with small jumps and Northshore (dude) sections. Thankfully, I can do at least as much of it as the average rider in the woods, even if my bike could piss on all of it with a more capapble pilot. Practice practice.

If you've been following the tour you'll have heard that Vinikourov got caught vampiring (doping by giving himself a blood transfusion to increase red bloodcell count, as well as controlling the Thirst. Probably). Looks like the plucky Dane will take the race after surviving a severe bullying by the other contending team yesterday in a great diaplay of "you showed me all of your cards 2 days ago Contadore, now see a couple more of mine". I watched this with my father-in-law, who is a doctor. He can't understand how they do it, so I explained. "Ah, drugs, that'd help, i guess".

On to movies, and we've seen a few in the last days...

Natural City. A Korean flick about a swat team going after a group of renegade cyborgs. One of the team is in love with a cyborg himself and is working to the same aim as the dudes he is chasing, to cancel or otherwise circumvent the built in 3 year cyborg lifespan.... -HOLD ON- any of this sound in any way familiar? You're supposed to wait 50 years (or something) before using someone else's plot line wholesale and selling it as your own. At least our main prtagonist's name is R and not D. Visually (very) nice, otherwise bollocks

Last King of Scotland. Young, naive horny scotsman doctor type goes to Uganda to get away from his parents. Tries to shag everything that moves, mostly succeeding except with a very skinny Gillian Anderson (preferred her with a bit more meat on her bones, personally) who blows him off (meaning rejects, not.... oh never mind). Chance meeting with Idi Amin leads to further shinannegans. Amin turns out (*shock*) to be a total nutcase. What a very intense movie. The acting achieves all the heights that the media hypes it up and more. James McAvoy (horny naive Scots Doctor) who is generally ignored in preference of the all to believable Forrest "Get a proper name" Wittaker but portrays the innocent libido fuelled idealism of yout very well. Well worth a view

Borat. You know the plot of this one by now. Let me say I was expecting a lot and didn't get it. The Rodeo scene was a pearl, if the movie was 2 hours of Borat getting yanks to act like that then I'd say the premise of the movie was well served, but it isn't really. Falls way short of what it set out to do in my opinion. It is pure coincidence that Kermode happends to agree with me, we watched the film separately.

Zodiac. Retelling of a series of actual killings back in the 60's and 70's Yooess-of-ayyy, the taunts made by the killer to police and press. It centers on one man's obsession with solving the puzzle, a cartoonist played by the Donnie Darko dude. Plot is dictated by life so that's in the bag. They never caught the Zodiac killer so there is a lack of closure in the whole thing, which I do think was underplayed in the whole "Fuck, I spent my whole life on this thing, ruined my marriage and the bastard got away" kind of thing. Performances are all good, although I would have liked to have seen more from R Downey Jnr. All in a good movie this one, well worth a view. I especially liked the soft spoken cop (not the one who was Goose in Top gun, the other one)

Right, coffee, toast, bike. Have fun

Bomber out

2007-07-22T07:28:00.000-07:00

Behold.

....Sweet Bike... It's got pegs*, it's got shocks, bet I can get some sweet air** on this thing

/edit; cfb seems not to work so click here for glorious bigness

Off out riding. Catch yer.

Bomber out

*may not be true. About the pegs.

**or the air

2007-07-18T22:27:00.000-07:00

Bollocks are a denial of fact ... unless we're talking about music

We're off to Toronto today, the new bike should be available early next week, so we'll be trotting off to the local trails to have a blast. I'll let you know how that all goes.

Meantime, something I've been planning to pimp for a while is the NYUB podcast. The webpage, blog stylee, is here although I haven't looked through it much. The podcast's niche is that it only plays music in the public domain, the website seems to have a broader "the mainstream is shite" agenda. Our protagonist is one MK (yeah, I know) a Kiwi living in London (cue bar hop jokes). The podcast concept may sound quite pikey in a "I want to do a podcast but not pay for anything" type of way, and indeed it would be if the music was all pub band trot as one might expect, but it's not. The quality of the output is in fact consistently high. Of course, mostly it's stuff that you won't have heard of in the mainstream (but then ... you will have head it already in the mainstream...) and some of it can sound somewhat pointedly obscure at times, but if you can handle the odd track that doesn't ring your bell (He covers a wide genre of musical styles, some of it severely bleepy) then it's well worth your time. You will occasionally be treated to names you recognise, when you do, it will be gems like the Shins and Tom Waits. By the way, If you don't have the Shins' Wincing The Night Away yet then you don't know what you're missing. Really.

Right, must finish packing and get dressed. Bathrobes are not currently acceptable travel attire, or so I'm told.

Bomber out

2007-07-15T21:17:00.000-07:00

Best Die hard trailer evah

4.0 verse is a peach

bomber out

2007-07-15T03:20:00.000-07:00

Pics from the last postage

Altogether too much sitting around and boozing in Sunny Spain

Told you the new hat was sexhei

At 2100m

Then the route down.... (I've traced the rough route in red, but you may need to click for bigger to see it)

foot relaxation therapy at the hot springs in Ax-Les-Thermes

Full body lying on the grass therapy in Ax

Sitting by the river in the evening sun, 5 feet from the tent

Back in Spayne. View form the resteraunt

The "private" swimming pool

2007-07-14T13:44:00.001-07:00

More montaingnes! in which Bomber and bubble overshoot the mountains and get fried in Southern Spain, fail to post anything and end up....

Well, part 1 is all over, we just got back to Bxl after a 1300km drive, having left the pyrenees at 9 this morning.

Pyrenees part 1, we were in Ax-Les-Thermes, very near the Andorran border. Not nearly as well set-up for downhilling (DH, Rich) with only 2 lifts open and no "prepared" DH pistes but the runs we did were really nice, all forested single track. We rode for 3 days and then headed South to hook up with Marla, a friend of Andrea's from Hong Kong and the other lynchpin in the drnken double act that was Tequila Thursdays. Andrea managed to fall off her bike quite a lot, proving that her mad skillz, while definitely there, are still in development. Of course I hooned and will be chalanging Steve Peat for the WC DH crown next year (assuming he wins it again this year of course)

Gah, fekkers, still can't get pictures to upload, even from home. Too late, I'll try again in the morning

Bomber out

The South of Spain was too effing hot, pretty much as advertised. Also it was stuffed with fat chicks and chavs, exactly as advertised. My east-london-meets-Essex-generic-working-class-tosser-accent got a good polishing. Innit. What was not advertised, and certainly came as unexpected, was the frankly shite internet access. I tried for an hour to upload some shots of us in Ax but finally gave up in frustration and necked a bottle of chilled rose-ay instead. luvleyyy. Highlights were sitting around a lot, sweating more than a lot, feeling ripped off when others turned up to use the "shared" pool, thereby lowering the tone I had set in my leopard skin thing and finally finishing Judas Released, which I have been half way through for nearly a year... Also Andrea's bruises from the biking had time to heal in preparation for Pyrenees part 2. Oh, and I bought a cowboy hat. It's wickid, innit.

Pyrenees part 2 and we went all resorty and stayed at "pyrenees 2000", a ski station above the town of Font-Romeu in the Western Pyrenees, about an hour's really fun drive from the coast at Perpingnan. This was a bit of a let down on the DH front. Their website is all full of there being lifts open and tons of DH pistes and a bike park but the truth is that there are 2 lifts open oferring about 200m vertical lift each, no bike park (perhaps they meant carpark, we saw some of them) and no, but no, prepared bike runs. That said, like Ax, their were literally hundreds of kilometres of xc (cross country, Rich) trails some of which included superb single and double track descents (roughly speaking, single= tight and twisty, double = 50 mph, Rich) I'll post the photos from Spain and P2000 tomorrow or the next day.

2007-07-01T02:53:00.000-07:00

a les montaignes!

We've just finished 4 days in Morzine, where it pissed with rain the first 2 days, so no pics (too wet out for the camera) but believe me, much mud was swallowed. The 3trd and 4th days were nocer though and I managed to get one DH run in as well as riding most of the XC in the area. Pics from Morzine;

YT looking fat and happy for 2nd breakfast

A chute at the end of one of the XC runs. Was a LOT steeper than it looks (honest)

Bubble crests the mountain pass

The Stinker was pushed up to here (mostly)

Bubble again fails to gain height

The view of Mont Blanc

the air was a bit thin....

A groovy viaduct we went over in the middle of France

Having made the questionable decision to cross France on the day of the Grand Depart (when all the french leave the desks that they slave at 35 hours a week 40 weeks a year to drive to the coast and be, if that were possible, more french than normal) we're now safely in Les Vallees D'Ax in the French Pyrenees for the second stage of our trip. 3-4 days here and then off to Southern spain to get a good English sun tan and catch up with Marla.

Oh, and Bubble sends thanks for her birthday greetings. In true husbandary style, she got a dive computer and disc brakes from me :D

Bomber out

2007-06-24T01:17:00.000-07:00

One for DJ Cheezy

That's how much of a hardcore dirtjumper I am (ie, not much)

we're off today. Should be in Morzine tomorrow and plaster by Wednesday

Bomber out

Guardian Unlimited: Aborigines face ban on alcohol and porn

2007-06-21T04:41:00.001-07:00

Bomber spotted this on the Guardian Unlimited site and thought you should see it.

To see this story with its related links on the Guardian Unlimited site, go to http://www.guardian.co.uk

Aborigines face ban on alcohol and porn
James Sturcke and agencies
Thursday June 21 2007
The Guardian

Pornography and alcohol will be banned for Aborigines in Australia's Northern Territory, the country's prime minister, John Howard, announced today, after a report found that "rivers of grog" were leading to rampant child abuse.

"This is a national emergency," Mr Howard told parliament. "We're dealing with a group of young Australians for whom the concept of childhood innocence has never been present."

The sale, possession and transportation of alcohol would be banned for six months on Aboriginal-owned land in the Northern Territory, Mr Howard said, and sales would be reviewed after that.

Some Aboriginal leaders immediately attacked the plan as "disgusting and paternalistic", saying they were not consulted and that they objected to restrictions on how indigenous people spend their welfare benefits.

The child abuse report, Little Children Are Sacred, released last week, found drinking was a key contributor to the collapse of Aboriginal culture and neglect of children, and created opportunities for paedophiles.

The report said hardcore pornography was rife in Aboriginal communities and available to children, who had become desensitised to sex with adults. The sale and possession of pornography is also to be banned.

"A river of grog [alcohol] is killing people and destroying our communities," Pat Anderson, who co-chaired the inquiry, told reporters last week. "There is a strong association between alcohol abuse, violence and sexual abuse of children."

About 60,000 of Australia's roughly 400,000 Aborigines live in the Northern Territory. They are consistently the nation's most disadvantaged group, with far higher rates of unemployment, alcohol and drug abuse, and domestic violence. Their life expectancy is 17 years shorter than that of other Australians.

Alcohol kills an Aborigine every 38 hours and accounts for a quarter of deaths in the Northern Territory.

Under Mr Howard's plan, new restrictions would be placed on welfare payments for Aborigines, forcing parents to spend at least half of the money on essential items such as food - a measure meant to prevent wasting money on alcohol and gambling. Family welfare payments would also be linked to children's school attendance.

Aboriginal leaders said it was the kind of government behaviour that disenfranchised their people and created the problems in the first place.

"I'm absolutely disgusted by this patronising government control," said Mitch, who uses one name and is a member of a government board helping Aborigines who were taken from their parents under past assimilation laws. "And tying drinking with welfare payments is just disgusting.

"If they're going to do that, they're going to have to do that with every single person in Australia, not just black people."

The report said banning alcohol sales in some Aboriginal communities had dramatically reduced sexual abuse and violence: "Alcohol is being used as a bartering tool to gain sex from children, either by offering it to the children themselves or in some cases to adult members of their family."

One Aboriginal woman from the Yolngu tribe said "white man's water is a curse" and called for alcohol outlets to be closed.

"Eradicate this curse that is killing us physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually," she wrote in a letter published in the report.

The report said: "Many of the Aboriginal people spoken to by the inquiry were not aware of legal issues such as age of consent."

2007-06-16T23:12:00.000-07:00

Exactly 3 months...

well, as you will have noticed, I can't be arsed with this, at least not since my job went nuclear back in Febuary. I'd apologise, only I'm not especially sorry so let's not bother, eh? Work's all just about over now and I'm on 2 months WOS leave starting the end of next week, so hopefully I'll start posting regularly. Content will be there as we're heading West towards portugal, hopefully spending most of our time hopping from ski resort to ski resort in the alps / pyrennes checking out the mountain biking. That's Mid June -> Mid July then we fly to Toronto to hopefully finalise our appartment (only 2 years late...), relax at the fram (which is on the market) and build a new bike plus perhaps rekindle an old one

Trying to sell my current cannondale atm, see how that goes, but at 7 years old, it's not worth a hell of a lot anymore and so I may end up keeping it and putting it somewhere like my folks' house. Thing about that bike is that it absolutely refuses to wear out on me. Bloody quality built bikes....

The stinky is still oing from strength to strength, encouraging me to try things that it can piss through but that my own skill set is far from up to. Full body armour for the summer's frivolities, I think.

enough for now, I have to make coffee and Bubble is huffing at the sound of the keyboard keeping her awake...

Bomber out

2007-03-17T05:23:00.000-07:00

The inexplicable err explicated

Really, you need to look at this site. It sort of came about through a B3ta link but then again not really. It's Youtube for God botherers. It's called God Tube. This stiff is what the gaming community would term 105% WIN. What I really really really like about this is that 4 of the 5 highest rated videos are satires , clicky here for one

3 games of rugby today, I think we need to beet wales by 20 points more than ireland beat Italy by to win, but who says we don't like a challenge, eh?

Bomber out

2007-01-24T00:56:00.000-08:00

I got sent some jokes today. They were all crap except for this one which has had me in stitches. Probably you need to be married tio truly sympathise though :P

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

/what dear? no dear. Didn't think it was funny at all, just trying to entertain dear. Ouch.

Bomber out

Yahoo! Messenger - with free PC-PC calling and photo sharing.

2006-12-18T10:23:00.000-08:00

Some folks just don't know when to stop

Everyone knows that Belgian beer tends to the stronger end of the brewed beverage spectrum. The average beer will be 8% with anything below 6% being considered low alcohol and not really worthy of the title. With this comes a richness of taste which leads most of these beers to be categorised as "sipping" beers. Both from a richness and self preservation perspective. With this in mind, come the winter season Belgian brewers long ago put on their thinking hats and came up with a chipper idea for the cold weather and all the delights of the end of the year, Xmas Brews. It works like this; they take their standard recepies and make them richer and ... stronger than normal. Inspired.

Some folks in the lovely town of Essen thought this was such a good idea that they started an annual festival to showcase these insane examples of the brewer's craft. This is where we spent last Saturday.

Beards were in evidence

There were over a hundred beers on offer, so I really can't claim to have tried more than half of them. they were all pretty good though and (admittance bordering on sacrelidge) the "hot krieks" (of which there were 3) were shockingly drinkable.

Hot beer = wrong

Make mine a numer 47

It was quite a long trip, and 2 hour train journeys are not the greatest thing at the end of a harty day's drinking but all in all, it was definitely worth the trip. I'd suggest an overnighter next year, if anyone's interested. On the other hand, there are dozens of beer festivals in Belgium every year, some of them within staggering distance of our house, so maybe one of those (which also specialise in <10%>

Bomber out

2006-11-07T10:43:00.000-08:00

A case of Aggravated Burgery?

I saw this Guardian article (accidentally, while working dead hard) today about 2 cops who are suing Burger King because the staff sprinkled a herbal surprise on their whoppers. It's notable that their lawyer never mentions the "felons" in isolation but always as employees (nay; agents) of Burger King. He does stop short of implying that it is standard BK policy to give an extra high to law enforcement. Of course, burger slingers have no money to make them worth suing for "personal injury, negligence, battery and violation of fair practices" (which apparently translates from legalese into English as "feeding someone free pot") their employers on the other hand....

London was fun, shame not to see Rich, but it was good nonetheless.

Dave, do we have a final confirmed date for the wedding in S'pore; is it Saturday the 14th, or during the week before?

Oh, saw Sky High last week. Shame really. it's not that the movie is bad per se, it's just that it had so much potential that was sadly unfulfilled. I'd still recommend a view, but I won't be ading it to my DVD wish-list. What did just move from my DVD wish-list to my actual DVD shelf, however, are the following; Batty Begins, Serenity, Usual Suspects (replacing my long abused VHS version), V for Vendetta, Steam Boy (an english language version at last, the one I had before was Chinese :P ) and SW Ep 3 (Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...
...oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo) Smudge has leant us Black books (S1, 2 and 3) as well as Green Wing S1. BSG S2 to be ordered iminently from those amazing folks at ... errr ... well you know where.

Bomber out

2006-10-31T09:08:00.000-08:00

Youtube takes over the world, a bunch of HK accountants try to hitch a ride

If you've not heard of Youtube yet then ... well, I can't help you. What I can help you with though, is this link to the HKCPA's new rap video. Yes, the HKCPA (Hong Kong Certified Professional Accountants) thought they were a bit drab so cooked up this video to show that they ... err ... wear suits. And they've renamed the Institute of Chartered Accountants as The 'Tute. Word, Lah.

Better still is this gem from some wannabe WBanker which made it into the Guardian, coz so many people enjoyed it that, according to one NY Hedge fund trader; "He [Vayner] single-handedly decreased trading volumes over the last two hours of the day because everyone was laughing too hard". Apparently he's taken it all in good humour and is considering ... err ... a law suit against the folks he sent the application to in the first place.Guess he didn't get the job then. Tosser.

We're in London over the weekend. See some of you there and the rest of you ... well ... whenever really.

Bomber out

2006-10-11T10:22:00.000-07:00

bloody car bugger and bollocks....

Dunc asked about our progress with the car. I was just going to write a rely in the comments, but it went on a bit so I thought I'd take the opportunity fpr a cheeky post instead.

So, to the car....We had a sweet deal lined up on an open top Saab 9-3, till we got the invoice and the bastard had put VAT on top. Was a problem for the bikes anyway and a tow hitch, while a practical option is expensive (like, 400 quid expensive) and ugly (like, what's that tail doing sticking out the back of your convertible ugly)

Currently looking at a 156 Sportwagon (perfect for bikes, but no blue sky / wind in my ~~hair~~ pate). And they depreciate like a stone, making a 5 year old one decent value. I have 2 or 3 to choose from, basically haggling between them.
With the problems we're having with the beaurocracy (spelling it being the first hurdle) I might end up with a full service lease instead. I have never owned (and therefore never insured) a car you see. Andrea has, but she has some sort of foreign driving licence and the commune (local council, who appear tyo be in charge of such matters) want proof of her residence in Canada since birth before they'll give her a belgian license. No license, no insurance.

I knew there was a reason Belgium hosts the capital of the EU. Fuckers.

I'm going to leave it there, and promiser to try and turn over a new leaf, productrivity wise. The last 2 onths I have been struggling with the new routine at work, which is to say I've been retraining my self to accept that I am actually working. I have many things to tell you, from the warning on my computer keyboard, to the flemish nationalist that I got drunk with last week, to the new way I've discovered to eat chips (the french name for which translates to machinegun, or so I'm told) so bear with me, I will work on not getting steaming pissed on 8% beer as soon as I get home every evening (ie; having 2) before falling asleep 20 minutes later.

btw, no-one's been to visit for ages. You missed all the beer festivals. The smudgers have an excuse (I suppose) all others living in Blighty are without reason. Come, and I promise you chips....(no really, I know I haven't before)

Bomber out

Bomber out

2006-09-29T23:47:00.000-07:00

My rose has left me ... I'm in a mood. We laughed, we cried ... I winced

Yes, yesterday was the day when the newest addition to our family, young Jack, became a man and had his knackers cut off. He wasn't very happy about the whole affair, but he didn't seem as pissed off as No.1 cat Mojo who spent the whole night growling and hissing at Jack, probably coz jack's had his arse shaved and stinks of disinfectant. Forttunately the vet had the good taste not to offer us the left-overs in a jar, unlike a chinese doctor who once removed a rather nasty set of chalfonts for me. I still wake up screaming thinking about that.

Work goes well and I am now officially the director of Barnes Diamant SPRL (named after the label on our post box, so we don't have to poit out to the landlord that we've registered a company in our flat, something which we're not strictly supposed to do.) Now I need a car. I've had a rental for the last 2 months and it's getting really dirty. Having decided on a budget, the current debate centers around eactly how large an engine I need to get me "safely" to work. I tried to convince bubble that anything less than 200 horses is just a plain dangerous lack of power, but she remains unconvinced. I have talked her up from 70 to 150 though, which is a relief. Odd, I thought I was buying this car for me, but it seems to be some sort of "joint" purchase ... well, my dad did advise me never to argue about non-house purchases with the better half, which must be why we've ended up buying a place down the road from her parents in Toronto. errk. We're spending today running around looking at options in the alfa 156 / Sabb 9-3 hopefully we'll have a deal by the end of the day.

Bomber out

2006-09-13T10:30:00.000-07:00

It's ALL...IIII...VE...

Meet Pornsac aka Smudgette jnr;

Many of you will have received this picture but still, for those of you who haven't, it's an excuse for a post.

I spoke to Jules ~~few hours~~ literally seconds after the birth and she swears blind that there's no ginger in sight. She did opine, however, when I suggested the possibility of latent gingerness (medically known as gingerus retardus, or late blooming copper top) that this is still something that they're concerned about and (quote) the little buggers stay hidden just long enough to let you get attached to them before showing their true colours (/quote). Proof positive that Smudge dyed his hair in his teenage years, I rekon.

In other (good) news Dierdre is back at home. Less good is that the doctors have not yet decided what required her stay in hospital in the first place (aside from the somewhat obvious lack of consciousness and need for a respirator) so appear to have just decided that out of sight is out of mind. Duncan's suggestion sounded plausible, but when I described him to the doctors they weren't impressed with his qualifications. Apparantly, unlike in Australia, a surfboard, beer gut and a 4 wheel drive (even 2) are not enough to qualify you to hold a medical opinion in Europe. On the other hand Andrea's dad (who is an actual doctor; having passed exams and everything) rates Dunc's idea as most likely but they say he hasn't filled out the right forms to be recognised, so we'll have to accept ignorance as the officially approved conclusion for now. Second opinions are having being considering being sought.

Yet more good news and having been paid (for the first time in a year) I just got back from the bike shop. Frankly, this should be top of the page and I resent it beeing trumped by new life / survival of near death experiences, but what can you do.

At the bike shop I bought;

1 pair of wheels (Shim. LX, for me. Cheap but effective; I'll go crazy later...)
2 bike computers (Generic .. well French or something....one each for me and Bubble. She hasn't got one and mine's gone senile)
1 pair of pedals (Crank Bros, for Bubble.)
1 Seat post (Generic, for bubble)
1 seat (SGS, for me)
1 pair 10+5W trail ights for us me

Once I start coining it in properly (by xmas or so) I'll start on some 4 figure shopping stints. for now I kep it below 500 though, which I was quite chuffed about (from a pikey standpoint)

Bomber out

2006-09-04T10:28:00.000-07:00

Sorry, but it's been a terrible week

Some of you will have met Dierdre Quinn when you came to visit last year, she's an Irish lass who works with Andrea. Dierdre is a mad keen runner and ran the Belgian 1/2 marathon the week before last. She came 24th. Sadly, she can't remember this because she passed out on crossing the line and was rushed to hospital in a coma. She's 30. Proof that running is bad for you, she's recovering now from what looks to have been an epileptic fit or something similar (thinking stroke, but the docs aren't saying). The last week has been horrible, the doctors on the day were not at all optomistic and were mentioning possible brain damage. Things started to look up in the mid-week, when she finally came to (she'd been out for 4 days) and she'll be moving out of the ICU at the end of this week, probably. Currently she's convinced that she's in Canada but at least she can swallow, cough, talk and eat (at least one at a time), all of which are a huge releaf so a little locasional disphasia we can handle.

Please send your best thoughts this way, so we can get Dierdre out and drinking again (and into some other sort of passtime that's less damaging than jogging).

Bomber out

2006-08-20T08:17:00.000-07:00

A (probably vain) attempt to head off Jules' maternity column

1st week at work went fine. They've finally given me a security pass and didn't seem at all bothered that I have no recognised safety qualifications. ERveryone seemed a little surprised at that and I've been told to expect them to catch up with me eventually so I'm trying to get the dutch qualification as I know they accept that already and it's apparently available in English, and perhaps even under the counter brown-paper-bag-style, which would suit, frankly.

I'm currentl;y trying to set up the business end of the whole thing as it seems that this is the best way to be tax efficient and probably also to keep the maximum number of people employed leaching off my earnings. Ho hum. Got to buy a car next week. I want a 5 series beemer, but Andrea thinks that's a little big. Currently looking at an Alfa 156 estate. S'not really an estate, although about big enough for the bikes and has a 150 bhp 2.5l diesel engine so I can claim fuel efficiency while hooning up the motorway ... probably straight into the garage given the Alfa's reliability rep.

nevermind, I'll try and be a little more regular on the updates on my super exciting life in the petro-chem industry but I have no interweb at work (which I think is probably a good thing).

Laters

Bomber out

2006-08-08T08:23:00.000-07:00

Back of the net...

I got offered a job yesterday, starting on Thursday. I was going to keep it quiet coz ... well ... I might turn up and find it's a practical joke or something but it's about time I developed some self confidence so here goes.

I'm working for a local Flemish / Dutch technical consultancy who are handling the scheduling on a refinery shut down - maintain - restart for a petrochem firm. The job will be working with one other (very senior) guy building then maintaining the schedule. It's expected to have 50,000 activities in it. erk.

I was completely honest with them about my exp etc (ie, petrochem; that's to do with petrol, right?) and they still gave me the job, so great learning op all round.

The project is at the client's office in Antwerp docks (bout 45min - 1 hour drive) where their facility covers ... 12 sq km. Parking isn't a problem apparently.

and it's more money than I was on in HK ...

and it's by the hour ...

for a year.

Thus, if it does turn out to be a real job and not something I just dreamt up, I should be irritatingly wealthy within months.

The project apparently runs in English, with a brit project director and lots of europeans of varying extraction, which makes it sound a lot like a big asian project, frankly so I should feel at home. Only now instead of being a pikey sub-con trying to curry favor with the bow tied expat specialist co-ordinator type ... I'll be the one in the bow tie. Well, I'll be his side-kick, actually, but you get the picture.

I'm currently car shopping, is it too soon, do you think?

Oh, and of course in true euro fashion the first thing I'll do is take 2 days off, coz next Monday and Tues are bank holidays. Only down side is I won't get paid, I guess...

(employed) Bomber out

2006-08-07T01:11:00.000-07:00

ooooh, look; clever embedded video type thing

I got a link to this video made by some geeks to publicise their unhappiness at big business undermining t'internet. Compulsive viewing, in a slightly odd manner. I wouldn't have bothered really except they had this cut and paste code thingy so I can embed the video right here ---->

Remeber the Tron guy (Don't worry, I'm from the internet)? I reckone that might really be him....

Bomber out

2006-08-02T01:55:00.000-07:00

A litany of bruises

Morzine is exactly what I expected, only more painful. So far I have;

1 skinned knee and associated gravel rashed thigh
ditto to 1 elbow
1 dislocated thumb
1 series of grazes up my right side, from navel to tit
1 bruised rib (I've fallen on the same one 3 times...)
Bruised left arse cheek
Bruised tailbone
1 Twisted ankle

and that's wearing body armour. This is more brutal than skiing.

It's bloody good fun though. My only concern is that my body won't last the week out so I'm taking today off to try and get my poor rib back online again. That's the one that's the most worrying at the moment because it undermines my already questionable upper body strength.

Naturally all the injuries have been sustained while pulling sick moves while totally amped.

Yo, Sweet

2006-07-26T21:30:00.000-07:00

Feeling somewhat uninspired at the moment (you mean you hadn't noticed?)

It's a little wierd, because lots has been happening, but I just haven't been arsed to write it down (evidence of today's activities notwithstanding).

Gozo was top. Smudge's pictures here, they're the best ones as they have an underwater camera.

Guests came and went. We had a good, if busy, couple or 3 weeks with trips down to the Ardennes, Champagne, Dunkirk and Ypres. It was bloody hot and I found that my Tropcal conditioning had left me completely. In a move sure to send shivers down Dave's spine, we camped out the whole time (except when we were at home of course, when there were 6 of us in the appartment...)

We got a new kitten, Jack. Jack is a little fucking bully and is chasing Mojo all over the place (although he's about a quater the size / weight).

I got a call from a headhunter dude who's placing guys at Bouygues (Big French contractor). Latest on that is that I have a tentative interview sometime 2nd half of August. They're all on holiday in France from now till ... well .. Christmas so I'm not sure what's going to happen there. More positively I had an interview with some guys in Antwerp yesterday who seem keen and have said I'll be asked in for a 2nd interview when I get back from France. Major advantage there; they're Dutch and don't seem bothered that I can't speak it. Both would be a commute and a half (at least an hour's drive each way for either) but work would be nice, I have several major gadget itches that need scratching.

Bokks; I read the first 2 of the Phillip Pullman's His Dark Materials Triology. Recommended by just about everyone I know who's read them these are most entertaining and fanatically anti-church. They're written for "youth readers" but really this doesn't affect the sophistication of the plotting or the concepts, it only means no swearing and positively no ghey bum sex (or any sex, for that matter) This is like Harry Potter for people who can read. Dead good. Smudge; If you enjoyed these (and I recall that you did), consider them a primer fro China Meiville and get your teeth into Perdido Street station. Beware his third (The Iron Council) though ... may contain significant amounts gay bum sex. Currently reading Undertones of War by Edmund Blundell. It's an autobiography of a young WW1 officer who was posted in Ypres. I suppose I bought it feeling a little guilty during our visit there (It's a little difficult not to feel something; 500,000 people died there in WW1) and was fully expecting this book to take some spot on my book shelf, with me only ever having been able to plaough though the first 5 pages. Not really the case so far though. Blundell was a war poet, which I had wrongly assumed would make things worse on the readability front. In fact, his style (even more so considering it was written in 1928) is engaging and accessible and his whole rythm of writing takes you from page to page. Of course the content is heavy duty, but the writing style allows you to enjoy the reading while taking in the imagry. There is a lot of talk of skeletons in trenches mind and a fair amount about heads being blown off, I'm not saying that he pulls his punches on the descriptive front, he just presents it in a sophisticated way, he doesn't dwell on describing the viscera instead concentrating on the characters around him and the overall athmosphere of the times. Plus it's real. I certainly hope not to have to go through what he has been through to achieve it, but if I could write even one page as well as he seems to reel off chapters, I'd be a happy writer.

Took your advice about the hub, Dunc; a local shop had some '03 LX rear hubs fro 15 Euros (about 1M ozzie bucks) so I picked one up. One of the guys I'm off to Morzine with tomorrow has promised to teach me wheel building in return for the help I gave him moving house last week.

So that about brings us up to date. I'm off to Morzine mountinbiking tomorrow. We've got a chalet in the alps for 80 Euro each and the lift passes are 60 euro. So, some money aside for meat and beer and we're on our way!

Bomber out

2006-07-08T11:51:00.000-07:00

Hi again all

Been away for a week or so in Gozo, a sleepy little island off the coast of malta. Smudge and Jules had an underwater camera with them and I'm waiting on them to get over the 6 hour delay in their return flight and emeail me the pictures than I'll post a thingy about it. We're seriously thinking about saving up for a place there, it's like Mallorca only affordable and there's no Germans.

I reached somewhat of a watershed the other day when I was informed that, after 10 years, my pension scheme is currently worth just about exactly what I've paid into it. Considering that for 7 of those 10 years it was worth about 30% less than I had paid into it, this is a positive thing and I'm looking forward to paying into an investment scheme for once, rather than a leaky bucket. Sadly, with out a job, I'm quick running out of slush fund to feed it with. Wouldn't you know it...

I'm supposed to be writing fro the Bulletin Blog again next week, but we're off ot the Ardennes on Monday so I'm not sure how I'll make the posts. Internet cafes, shoulder to shoulder with interail sruffies, no doubt.

And I dinged my bike yesterday and prezled the back wheel (meaning, for the uninitiated, that it's no longer round) which means 100 bucks for a new wheel *sigh*. I do have another rear wheel with a crackered freehub though, so I'm thinking of teaching myself to build wheels. Sadly I just counted the spokes and found that one wheel is 28 spoke while the other is 32. Q for you Dunc, can I build a 28 spoke hub onto a 32 spoke rim, leaving out 4 spokes at compass points, or is this a bad idea? 28 apoke rims seema little thin on the ground here...

Right, we have Chantal and Cath here and neither of them have seem Team America yet so let the education begin. All together now ..... I'm so ronrrrrrry

Bomber out

2006-06-16T03:09:00.000-07:00

Can someone explain something to me...

Why is watching someone hurt themselves ... on purpose ... funny? It is though, isn't it. I howled at the first jackass movie, and at that ripoff one with the Welsh lads putting stinging nettles on their knackers, although possibly not as much. Probably coz it was Welsh. Well, they're making another one, and AICN have linked teh trailer here. Well worth a look, I think I'm going to enjoy this one too. I especially like that fact that they use all of the worst reviews from the first movie as advertisements for the second;

A new low

Washington Times

A plunge into depravity

Toronto Star

A sad commentary on our degenerating culture

Christian spotlight on the movies

A disgusting, repulsive, grotesque spectacle

Ebert & Roeper

This is the same approach taken by Iain Bank's publishers to advertise the Wasp Factory. It worked on me then and it'll work on me now; disgusting and depraved and winds up the churchies. Ticks all my boxes.

I think I worked out what I like about it. Oh, no I haven't.

I still do though.

Bomber out

2006-06-09T02:24:00.000-07:00

Sorry, I've been extra lazy of late

I've seen no movies, I can't afford any CDs and, frankly, nothing much has been happening, except for cutting 2 of my fingers down to the bone on my bike last week, but you don't need pictures of that. In response to pron requests, I was thinking about posting the pics of "nanna's tats" that Dave sent me. Everytime I think about those pictures though I feel violently ill so I'll spare you. Suffice to say it's an old bird (like a hundred, or something) with tatoos all the way from neck to feet and lots of piercings on her shaved ..... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (the fear, the fear).
Meanwhile, I did see this on engaget. Possibly the ultimate in CEO's office toys. Aibo was so overrated;

We're off to Mons this weekend, where apparently there's some sort of festival but, more importantly, we'll be staying with Mark's Dad, who is a retired beer distributer. I've packed the robot.

Bomber out

2006-06-02T03:53:00.000-07:00

A history of Violence

Welcome to Cronenberg's latest flick. This is the guy that brought us such twisted shit as The Naked Lunch, Crash, Spider and Existenz. Naked Lunch was the first movie I ever saw in the theater alone, as I couldn't find anyone who'd agree to watch it with me. I remember walking around Oxford for two hours afterwards feeling like I was watching the world through a video screen, with the sound turned right down but the gain right up. I must have looked like a complete twat drunk, sat there in an Oxford cocktail bar with the same drink for an hour then walking out leaving it untouched. Probably just aswell I was in a cocktail bar and not a pub. Less chance of having my teeth knocked out for staring at people like they weren't really there. A thoroughly bizzare experience.

Cronenburg's adaptation of nutty narco-soaked Billy Burrough's famous drug addled novel affected me in a way that no other movie ever had. Indeed that experience remains somewhat unique for me, something I'm not altogether unhappy about. Cronenberg's movies since have all been based on ideas twisted from the norm to one extent or other and its here that a History of Violence breaks new ground for him. It is, in essence, a pretty straight story of one man's past catching up with another man. There's no altered reality, no waking up at bus stops half way through in an unscripted moment of lucidity and positively no sphincter fetish (although possibly the Director's cut will correct this). Where Cronengerg gets his kicks here is from playing with the central question that the movie poses; are the two men separate or not, what does that mean exactly and what are the implications of these answers to those around him(/them). The only spoiler I'll give you beyond what you see in the trailer is the question that our well meaning but somewhat hapless (aren't they always) local sherif asks Tom Stalle (our central character, Vig Mortenson) early in the film, just after the mob (Ed Harris and his 3 stooges) have turned up claiming that Tom is infact a Philidelphia mob killer called Joey, "are you in some sort of witness protection programme?" This is only 5 or 10 minutes into the movie and is a clear indication from our dear director that, whatever Tom's answer, the real answer is no and that therein lies the rub.

Twisted, morally questionable and certainly obsessed with the sphincter in all it's forms (and uses), you just know that you're not gonna get a straight up witness protection / gangster revenge flick out of Cronenberg but, actually, you almost do. As I said, the central question is physically; are these 2 people the same and philisophically; what does this mean?

Acting-wise there are three "made" actors in this film. Vig Mortenson as our central hometown boy Tom, Ed Harris as the Philly mobster with a dicky eye and a massive itch to scratch and William Hurt as another Philly gangster, but you'll have to watch it to find out which one. For my money William Hurt gives the most subtle performance as a failing gangster whose boots are a little big for his feet. It seems that in the underworld, as in life, we tend to be promoted to our own level of incompetence. Ed gives a competent turn as mobster (Carl Fogarty), managing to scare the local community, particularly Tom's wife, out of their collective wits. It's not a mammoth performance by any means, but you certainly get the impression that this guy is completely confident in the strength of his position, which is what's called for by the role. Vig Mortenson certainly makes for a believable hometown family man, the question in my mind was, could he be a believable mobster in alter-ego mode? I must admit that I wasn't completely convinced by the answer that the climax of the movie asked me to accept. Other main characters were the Sherrif and Tom's family. The Sherrif, well, you can order one of them straight out of the box. The family I think did pretty well. The teenage son had on balance the major role, his struggle with idolising his father's non-violent approach to life being blown apart by Tom's heroic foiling of a coffee shop robbery, resulting in the killing of the two robbers, that starts the movie certainly has you understanding his position and confusion, if not actually feeling it. Tom's wife's struggle is with who she thought she'd married, confusion over what she's now faced with and which she prefers. Her minor roleplay fetish showcased at the beginning of the movie is not to be dismissed. I found this fascinating, but sadly the role wasn't really given enough time to fully explore the questions being posed. The younger (about six years old, I guess) daughter plays the innocent bystander, never really cottenning on to the fact that any confusion or problem might exist. Fluff, but the glue that could ultimately hold the family together, reminding all of the ties that bind (sorry, I really wanted a better turn of phrase there...)

Is this the new Cronenberg? Honestly, I hope not. I enjoyed this film, and recommend a viewing, but the subject matter is more Coen Brothers or Raimi (a la Simple plan) territory in my opinion. And I think either of those 2 would have done it better than Cronenberg. From Cronenberg, I'd like something heavier on the fantastical, tougher on the brain and with a pinch of sphincter fetish, just to let me know it's him. And if you see me in a cocktail bar staring into space, that's because I got what I wanted but Bubble refused to go with me to the theatre.

Bomber out

/edit; I note he's working on London Fields atm, so I may get my wish after all. Cronenberg / Martin Amis? sounds like a match made in, errrr. I'm gonna write to them both telling them to make Dead Babies next...

2006-05-29T01:50:00.000-07:00

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

Here's a movie that I really didn't expect much from. First off, it's about the LA wannabe actor scene and, frankly, I could do with less of actors telling me how brutal it is trying to make a crust pretending to be someone else thank you very much. Secondly the cast is somewhat uninspiring. The three leads comprise the biggest waster ever to make it onto the A-list based on talent (Robert Downey Jnr), the most useless twat ever to make onto the A-list for any reason whatsoever, if only for 15 minutes (Val Kilmer, Doors twat) and some bint with medium/not bad bajoobies who is probably only marginally more successful in life than her character is in the movie. Support is provided by a slew of ex soap actor types. Sounds shallow? That's what I thought. In a little more detail though, the plot is a mixture of mob drama, detective story and LA wannabe actors go through ... whatever LA wannabe actors go through as they strive for the A-list. This movie sells itself as being as cool as Get Shorty, as funny and quirky as 200 cigarettes and as intriguing as Momento. The shock here is that, in my opinion, it succeeds.

Robert Downey Jnr reminds us in this film of just how much of his talent he's wasted on, well, being wasted. Bint with joobies does a passable job and gets them out sufficiently (if there is such a thing) and Val kilmer is, well, really good actually. Val Kilmer is the real eye opener here. I fucking hate this guy. I can't think of a movie that I've seen him in that I enjoyed and can't think how he could possibly make a movie enjoyable for me, unless perhaps the movie centered around him being hunted down and slowly dismembered by the rest of the Doors, who then turn on each other in an orgy of pain and gore before finishing off by disemboweling Oliver Stone. I think you get the picture. This picture is different though; for 2 hours in his acting career, Val Kilmer actually stops taking himself seriously. Simple but effective. Val (we're on first name terms now, at least until his next film) plays Gay Perry, private detective to the stars. He gets invites to all the right parties and is tall, blond and impeccably groomed. He is also single. It is therefore assumed by the LA crowd of which he is a part that he's gay, hence the nick, I suppose. Or perhaps it’s short for Gary, but unlikely. You never really find out if he is or not and it doesn't really matter, the point is the opportunity for Val and Robert Downey Jnr to engage in continuous banter skirting the rim of Val's alleged gayness. RDJnr plays Harry, a guy who by sheer luck happens to ace an audition while on the run from the cops following a burglary and is set up with Val to get some private detective lessons as a way of preparing for the part he is to play. Sound forced? well, it is a little, but never mind it's over in minutes. I could have done without the whole "this is how it works in LA" voiceover by RDJnr crap, just because I've heard it all before, frankly. It doesn't invade the movie too much though, if you concentrate instead on the rapport between Downey and Val, and on support breasts getting them out every-so-often. Thoroughly enjoyable and worth a view of Val at his least shit, which is actually not at all bad.

Bomber out

2006-05-26T02:53:00.000-07:00

Triple re-union and the truth about the ginger gene "skipping a generation"

The reunions at the weekend went well, too much was drunk all round and I had a severely queezy spell on the way from Sunday lunch in Woking to dinner with my brother and cousins in NE London on the "rail replacement" bus outside guildford. I swear they weren't actually working on the line, I certainly didn't see any activity. More likely they shut it down every Sunday to save on wear and tear (bloody Railtrack). Friday night I stayed with Smudge in St Catherines, drinks and curry with the smudgers, DP Richard and Sparky. Saturday I had a reunion with poly mates. It's the first time we've all been in the same place since our Spanish post-wedding party, I think. Sunday I went south to meet Phil and Will's spouses and their gaggle of kids in Woking then ran North terrified to my brother's where I was confronted by yet more babies. Smudge mate, all that stuff about the ginger gene skipping a generation is all shite. I rekon the league of gingers made it up to convince their spouses that it's safe to breed. I saw 2 kids of ginger dads over the weekend. Widdles bairn is more at the strawberry blonde end of the scale, but Ameli (my cousin Polly's daughter) is more deeply ginger than I have ever seen, short of a bottle of Loreal. Have the dye ready at the hospital mate, you're gonna need it.

It's been a shitty week on the job hunting front, I think a pretty decent opportunity slipped through my fingers last week, although I spent a feverish couple of hours chasing it down yesterday and, if my timing has been right (ie lucky) then I should be able to slide in in the last furlong next week. That or they never intended to contact me again in the first place and just told me they'd be calling me back for an intervew to yank my chain, in which case I was shafted from the moment they met me in anycase. Damn my interview technique.

I'll stop there for now. This has been a 5 minute retype of a post that I lost 15 minutes ago (10 minutes spent groaning and contemplating the aerodynamic characteristics of teh Psion 7 that Smudge bequethed me from his techno graveyard on the weekend). To be honest, I had spent too long on that and had been considering dumping it anyway, so the P7 has probably all saved you the task of scrolling to the bottom of an even longer post to find the comments button.

Bomber out

2006-05-15T02:22:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Smudge for the material for a lazy post

Note likeness to father; fag in mouth and hole in head...

Got the in-laws in town this week, they're basically house-trained but are cutting into my gaming time somewhat.. Gozo is booked so that's June taken care of. I'm trying to get to the alps for week of gravity fueled mountainbike madness in August, but we'll have to see about that...

Dunc is in the UK now and I'm off to meet him and the rest of the gang this weekend. Should be fun and unhealthy

off to giude the rellies round the city

Bomber out

2006-05-08T02:16:00.000-07:00

Quicky and sticky ... couple of movies and books

Saw Serenity the other night. I's been ages in coming to DVD here and when it did arrive it was out for the first 2 weeks, so I guess it is popular. Left me a bit hollow, I'm afraid. It's good, no question about that, and the seeds laid in the original abortive Firefly series are played out well (although I thought I detected some recycled gags, but that could be from the trailer, it's been a while since I saw the series). My main problem with it is that I get left with the feeling that this was the original S1 story arc that never got made due to the cancellation and as such, I want it to be 15 hours long, not 1 1/2. The whole plot moves at such breakneck speed that the characters get left behind and I just can't get over the feeling of wanting it to have been made as a full series in the first place and so resenting the movie somewhat for reminding me of that. Still, I will buy the original series and movie on DVD when I've the cash. Together they form a worthy whole. I'd be interested to hear from someone who hasn't seen the series; were you left thinking "who the fuck are these guys?" This movie really needed to stand alone, but I wonder if it does.

Guy Richie's new movie, Revolver is out here too. I was sceptical about this and really expected more pikey baiting (not that there's anything wrong with that, but it does get a bit old). What we got was a whole lot more sophisticated. This is the story of a con, a very long con. A con that, frankly, I'm not 100% convinced was a con the first place, at least I'm not sure that the con artists were who we are led to believe they are. Ray Liota is god in this movie as the sleazy casino owner. Not sure how much they paid him to put on that fake tan, but it wasn't enough... superb. Ultimately, I think this movie is trying to be the Usual suspects and as such I don't think it quite rises to that level. Bloody good effort though and a close thing; I just think Richie got a little caught up in his own plot twists. Still, well worth a view.

Same lead actor dude, The Transporter 2 is rubbish, but redeems itself by including a gun toting psycho-biatch in basque and stockings as the gun arm of our nemisis. Enjoyable nonsense.

Finished reading The Iron Council (at last). This is the third of the New Crobuzon books by China Meiville. The first, Perdido Street Station, is a mammoth effort and a fanstastic story. The style defines just one of the avenues that the fantasy genre could explore, if it hadn't got all obsessed with dragons and rings of power and dwarves. Second, the Scar, widened the Bas-Lag universe further and introduced possibly my favorite ever weapon; the probability sword. Meiville's refusal to explain the day to day life of Bas-Lag makes reading his books quite a strain, you really need to form your own conclusions about the motives of main characters and I must say that I find this tiring, if ultimately rewarding, which is probably why I read these three books very slowly. With the Iron council, China takes us on a trip across the continent that is home to New Crobuzon to find a near mythical group of renegades, who give the book it's name. Sounds a bit questy and I suppose it is, but we have parallel storylines of only vaguely related characters back in New Crobuzon who also help widen the myhtology of the city, its politics, enemies and underground organisations. We also get much more detail on remaking than in either of the first 2 books. Remaking is the system of punishment in New Crobuzon; on conviction, the judge will hand down a remaking sentence, for example a thief may have his hands bound together (permanently) or a murderer may have the legs and arms of the person he killed grafted on to his body in inconvenient places. Often, remaking will include an industrial refit, adding pistons and a boiler to the human body to make them suitable for heavy labour. Once Remade, you are slave to the city. Hated and despised, and of course feared, you are the lowest of the low. The plight of the remade is a central theme running through all the books.

When I think about it, I suppose that I think the three books are int he wrong order, the Scar shuold come third as it spans the whole planet. And it's better that TIC, I think. I will be watching very carfully for China's next effort. I hope that he leaves New Crobuzon be and builds us another world to marvel at and provides yet more avenues for the fantasy genre to explore. I'm in 2 minds about The Iron Council but if you don't at least read Perdido Street Station, you are denying yourself. Enjoy that and move on to the following 2 but do read it.

Will post more soft pr0n when I receive some...

Bomber out

2006-05-03T21:55:00.000-07:00

As if by magic... some pr0n appears

every so often (about 4 times a day) I get mass emails from Guy Brennan in Hong Kong. Mostly these are either purile jokes, which I chortle at, or some rant about what it is to be English (Guy is somewhat rabidly anti PC, a sentiment I sympathise with although not to the extent that Guy feels it at times...) Then, just once in a while, he sends something through of true worth. Photos of the Tsunami aftermath for example, while not at all funny, were unique and from his own camera. This time it's a photo study of how far Singapore has come in liquor promotion since my days there and I believe it's perfect for those of you pining for the return of the kylie years. ... except no kylie I'm afraid. Ex-singaporeans; do you recall mamma Tequila, who turned from a 5'6' blond american chick in hot pants and a hat into a 50+ year old enormous philipina woman overnight? Well, at least Version2 had the decency to wear a poncho. Or the strangely unerotically dressed cigarette girls? Well, Dewars seems to have finally sorted their shit out, here's some photos of their latest promotion in S'pore. Perhaps a little NSFW, if you work in a monastry and overall pretty skanky, really but then who are we to judge? Oh, go on then...

Concentrate on the bottle of whisky...
Concentrate on the bottle of whisky...
See, concentrate long enough and the bottle dissapears altogether ooh, lapse, it's back again
nooooooo
......
ah, gone again
nuts
Sneaky...
That's cheating, she's wearing tights...
Spilt some love?
she's an accountant by day
quick snifter went down the wrong way
bored of captions, you fill in the rest...

Bomber out

2006-04-26T04:06:00.000-07:00

Movies

I was trying to build up the energy to blast you with the 2nd 1/2 of the BIFF reviews, but after 2 weeks I still can't be bothered so here's a shortened version;

Starfish Hotel.
Welsh/Japanese mystery? Rubbish. With no pr0n in.

Hitch hiker's guide.
I'm on the "don't like this" side of the fence here. Comedy timing is rubbish and constant references to the original TV serialisation just serves to remind how much you'd prefer to be watching that version. Slartybartfast (bloke who played Simon Pegg's dad in SotD) is good, mind.

Running Scared.
Actually (and shockingly) very good, that dude out of Fast and furious (no not that dude, the other one) does really, really well as a mob soldier with shot nerves, which was a nice surprise after the forst 5 minutes spent thinking "Not this cunt, I can't believe I paid to see a movie with this cunt in it". This holds true up until the last 20 minutes when the plot irreversibly shits itself and our main character's acting reverts completely to his F&F shite. Watch it, you'll see what I mean and I guarantee you'll be shouting "NOOOOOOOOOOOO, you fucking cunts, how DARE you!" before throwing a beer bottle through the telly, and strangling the cat.

Sky High.
Didn't watch it, it clashed with the England France game. Oh Joy, I'm really glad I wasted movie tickets to watch that shite.

Minator.
This was OK, but no more than that. The dude who plays the king in charge of the guys who live on top of the minatour wotsit clearly went to teh Shatner school of acting. Hes was being catcalled in the cinema before the movie was 1/2 way through and a huge roar went up when he died. Some graduitous nudity, but not enough. Kind of B, but not in a funny way, really. Oh, and Rutger Hauer was OK, but only had about 3 lines and wins the prize for most fally-offy false beard.

V for Vendetta.
Frankly, apart for the fact that it's copied from the original and on that basis can't really be better (points lost for lack of originality) .... apart from that ... I think it's better than the original. This movie is fucking brilliant. It's changed considerably from the original story, in the way that Bladerunner is different from Electric Sheep ... only better. the central chick (Nats) is a middle class professional instead of 1st-day-on-the-job-prosser, which I thought was a complete cop out to make her less morally ambiguous in the beginning. I realised after 15 minutes, however, that this made her much more easy to relate to and also allowed a dimension to be added that I suddenly realised wasn't there in the original story; a study of why otherwise sensible and educated people, who are not rabidly evil, put up with (in fact take an active roll in) a fascist (or crypto fascist) system. For my money this was the single most intelligent change they made to the original story and added an entirely new dimension to the moral tale. They, unforgivably, missed out on the chance for Nats to get her joobies out and, as Dave pointed out, not giving her a Brazilian during the shaving scene was just wasted opportunity, but overall, a genius adjustment. The other thing they did really well was to change completely the explanation as to how this fascist system came about. The original was written in the 80s and of course nuclear war was the most common plot mechanism of the time for changing the world order (from the ashes, power vacuum, blah blah blah). The movie updates this and provides a much more believable mechanism. You can probably guess what it is, it's been happening in real life for the last 10 years, but I won't tell you, just watch it. On the negative side, the study of Anarchy is almost completely removed from the movie, something that I'm sure pissed Moore off, but I think the omission is OK(ish) on balance. In the end, it's a bit of a lofty notion to explain to the movie going public as a positive (which is odd in the extreme, being that it's such a simple notion), and the story has enough ground to cover as it is. This movie could be titled R for Revolution, rather than V for Vendetta, but that would have been a shit title, so I'm glad they kept it V. The casting of John Hurt as the Dictator guy is absolute fucking genius, it's just a real shame that Richard Burton is dead. If he had been cast as V, I would have geek5punked myself in the cinema. The bloke cast as V did a good job. I must say that I don't think it's as challenging a role as many have made out. I mean, no facial expressions etc; big fucking deal. Hire a good radio actor and get on with it. Cheaper too. Anyway, whether they did this or not, it worked and he's pretty damn good. Another negative stems from a positive. The knife fights are bloody marvelous, I want more of them. In fact, I demand this, and a hammer fight, on the director's cut edition.

hmm, seems I did have the energy after all

Bomber out

2006-04-08T09:07:00.000-07:00

JIZZ!

This may be the ultimate bloke's spa. Sure the girls get a massage, facial and all that relaxing stuff, but how about a spa where, if you want to top up your beer, you dip it in the bath ~~water~~ beer?

Farting in the tub not necessary to feel those little bubbles rolling around your thighs

Well, maybe I wouldn't dip it in the bath, but look, there's a tap on the end! I'm in

Bomber out

2006-04-04T04:03:00.000-07:00

See if you can read these, I got from Jezzer last week. Sadly no photos

Sounds like someone was having a bit too much fun on site.... Names (badly) covered to protect the guilty...

It wouldn't be the Phillipines without a written confession....

Bomber out

2006-03-27T21:54:00.000-08:00

Bubble and Bomber at the BIFFF (part 1)

It's over ... my first Festival of Fantastic Film, or Fantasy Film Festival or Festival of Fantasy Film (depending on who you ask, they weren't very consitent about the naming, only the acronym). Overall it was an enjoyable experience, the almost Rocky Horror stylee repetition of the same cat calls; "Give us a song" every time someone gave a premovie talk, "We don't give a shit" when faced by the anti-piracy screen and the appreciative applause every time the filmmakers managed to actually scare the audience. My favorite was probably in a scene during The Descent, in which our Heroin wakes up from a ... wait for it ... coma to find herself in hospital, hooked up to the machine that goes beep. Some clever so-and-so lets out an extended "beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep" into the silence that has gripped the audience. Our Heroin pulls the hospital equipment out of her arm and the MTGP obliges with an identical long tone. Que audience cracking up. Very droll.

The movies themselves and we ended up seeing six; The Descent, Evil Aliens, Running Scared, Starfish Hotel, Minotaur and V for Vendetta. We canned Sky High because it clashed with teh England france game (well, that was worth it...) and also got a look at teh Hitch Hiker's Guide at home that week.

First up, The Descent. I had read through loads of movie descripts during my research of which flicks to see at the BIFFF, marking them with a pen on the schedule. Thus, by the time we arrived at P44 for the movie, I had forgotten exactly what it was that had attracted me to this movie in the first place. What the fuck do I want with a movie about a bunch of women going caving? Unless they all get their kit off and go underground rockpool skinny dipping of course, but then brining Bubble along might have turned into a problem. Then the director's track record was read out. Only one movie in this man's past that I was aware of and it was Dog Soldiers ... hmmm, low budget horror goodness, I remember now. I had to make a quick apology to Bubble as I'd told her that I thought it was a thriller, but she'd enjoyed Dog Soldiers as much as me so I figured we couldn't go far wrong. And we didn't. This movie, I suspect, marks entry into the big time for Neil Marshall. For sure Dog Soldiers was fucking brilliant, but it did suffer from budgetry problems, which showed though in the bloke in a wolf suit moments towards the end. This movie sufferred none of those drawbacks (such as they were) and delivered on all fronts, particularly the promise to "scare the shit out of you lot", which had been his stated purpose during the premovie speak thingy. The movie centers around a group of women who go caving together. And that's all the plot I'll give you coz you should see it yourself. Clearly a horror movie set in a cave is going to play on claustrophobia and this does so amply. There's also some significant tension between the characters which drives the subplot between them. I especially liked the characters of the mains in that they are basically human, weak and fallible. There are no great heroins and, through the bravado of fuck yeah cave diving, they're all scarred shitless and clearly in considerable pain for most of the film, which is a good thing. I would say that I had some issues with how parts of the main sub-plot played out, which I think was down to some spakky dialogue (you'll have to watch it, I don't want to spoil it for anyone) but one itty bitty problem with a superb movie I can forgive completely.For those of you looking for a pidgeon hole, and this movie doesn't spend an awful amount of time trying to be original, think of The Cube, with aspects of something like Into Thin Air. Recommended viewing.

Bloodrayne was showing between The Descent and our next outing, Evil Aliens. In retrospect, I wish I'd bought tickets for all three, but I had considered at the time that attention span issues wouldn't be fair to Evil Aliens if I had. Also, if I'd noticed that Meatloaf (Aday) was in BloodRayne, I'd have definitely gone to see it. Meh, it'll be out on DVD soon anyways. In the end Evil Aliens doesn't require anything as lofty as an attention span, but I'm glad I had a kebab in my stomach so I could concentrate on the movie instead of feeling hungry. Evil Aliens is a director described slasher alien flick. "Think Bad Taste" the director told us in the opening speach thingy. Many will take this as a greatly pretentious thing to say about your movie, compaing it to the works of the Great Jackson but, meh, Jackson was having visceral fun in Bad Taste, not making art so alls fair I reckon. Plot-wise, this is a story of one of a cable TV crew investigating a claimed alien abduction/impregnation in darkest Wales. The cable TV crew make their bread and butter out of this kind of story, but don't believe any of it themselves. But, hey, it's entertainment, right? Deepest darkest Wales turns out to be an island only accessible at low tide (of course) populated by a family who have clearly been keeping it in the family for generations, most of whom spend the movie being rude about the English, in Welsh. Que a spankingly good alien slasher flick in which just about everyone has sex with everyone else, far more blood is spilled than could feasibly have been there in the first place and farm impliments are used to their full murderous potential (including a combine harvester). Is this as "good" as Bad Taste? I don't know, it's been at least a decade since I saw that film, but I can say that if you enjoyed Jackson's romp through Alien lore, you'll definitely get a kick out of Jake West's.

That's enough fro the time being I rekon, I'll get ojn with the rest tomorrow (or next month, or something)

Bomber out

2006-03-27T04:19:00.000-08:00

Right, this took AGES so I hope you enjoy them

Richard and smudge finishing off the (cheese) pies

Our Chalet

View from the pad

More mountains

And again with the mountains

Snow angels under the balcony. Some red wine may have been involved

Lunchtime (again....)

Oh, look ... We're eating

At the Vin Chaude stop

2006-03-16T01:48:00.000-08:00

OK OK OK OK OK OK OK OK OK OK ... telletubbies on skis...

I was waiting for more pics from the rest of the group but they haven't been forthcoming so here's a few from us. I also have a monster joiner (sorta like a collage) to put together from when I went to the top of the Aguille Rouge on the last Saturday. Apparantly you can see your own aresehole from up there, it's that high. Anyway, here's the pics;

hmmm, mountains

more mountains

Me and Sparkey at teh morning Vin Chaud stop

map reading ... we did a lot of this

The Alpine pioneers

errr ... more mountains

lunch (again)

I'll have to post the rest in a separate post, as they don't seem to be letting me post more on this one. Only 4 left anyways...

2006-03-14T23:41:00.000-08:00

I'm being lazy this week .... oi!

I couldn't resist this though; Google maps ... Mars

That is SO fucking cool

Bomber out

2006-03-06T22:38:00.000-08:00

Bomber's movie bit

BIFFF movies don't start till the weekend so you'll have to wait till next week for those to start filtering through. Meantime, We saw 3 movies this week, all in the "entertain me" category. They were; The curse of the Were Rabbit, Stealth and Mr & Mrs Smith. Quite the seminal line-up, but where's the Steven Segal flick to really top it off? Well, maybe next week. I have to start by saying that, despite several ridiculosnesses (especially in Stealth), I enjoyed all of these. Of course the jewel has to be Wallace and Grommit in their new adventure, which won the Oscar for best animation at some award ceremony or other a couple of days ago.

-Danger of slight spoilery action, but nothing too dramatic, honest-

The Curse of The Were Rabbit stars our favorite chirpy northener and his dog, Grommit (the brains of the family) protecting their town from hungry rabbits in the run up to the annual vegetable contest. They are Pesto, the humane pest control company and, being both humane and successful, they have a basement chock full of cute bunny rabbits. All is going well until Wallace decides to engage in a bit of animal experimentation in an attempt to cure both his cheese fetish and the overwhelming hunger for prize vegetables that has gripped the local rabbit populace. Madcap mayhem ensues. "Hold on! Wallace and Grommit ... vivisection? are you sure?" I hear you cry. Don't worry, we are assured at movie's end that no animals were harmed in the making, etc etc. Nick Park of Aardman has managed to tell the traditional werewolf story with the humour and sharp eye for social mores that we have come to cherish from the W&G movies. He has left out the visceration of the protaganist, mind but it is W&G and so we must have some decorum, and some cheese. For me the stars of this show are the town's folk, who protect their prize vegetables with pith and vigor (and a helping hand from Pesto, of course). All in all this is a worthwhile addition to the Aardman collection, but I would temper that by saying I don't think it's the best. I think they missed a bit of an opportunity to add depth to the character of the rabbits themselves (Rabbits, depth of character, must be Aardman) but overall exactly the sort of cathartic romp that makes Nick Park's feature films so much fun.

Stealth (or Furtiv, as they call it in French) was a different matter entirely. We're almost in Segal territory here. We've got 3 "crack" pilots (1 a blond chick, gotta have ~~sexual tension~~ equality afterall) in a development programme for the next gen of stealth jet thingies. Lot's of fast flying and daring ~~stunts~~ anti-terrorist action as they go though their testing followed by sitting in bars in uniform with our main prota picking up blond chicks while the blond chick in a uniform sits next to him looking on. *yawn* let's get back to blowing stuff up please. Fortunately the movie pays little more than lip service to character building and we're soon on a carrier in the Phillipine Sea staring down the first live operation. Then they drop a bomb on the crew. There's a 4th pilot. Eh? the crew all muse, who could this dude be? We're all buddy buddy now, why a new guy? Well well, if the new crew member isn't a jacked up ZX Spectrum in a groovy round case. The movie from here on is pretty obvious, except perhaps right at the end, but the grounding for that is laid early on too so you'll see it .. oooh .. a couple of miles off. Believe me, your gray matter will not be taxed fathoming the plot out. AICN in their review made the excellent point that the cockpit debates about the moral fine points of ordered tactics ("no, there's a village next door, 1000s will die if we drop these bombs here" etc etc) and the changing of tactics to suit the pilot's objections (especially the blonde's, surprise surprise) are nothing short of ridiculous. However, the movie makers backed themselves into a corner with what they wanted to do with their main dude, the AI pilot, and so just ignore the impossibility of the whole thing and enjoy the flying and blowing stuff up bits, of which there's quite a lot. The other specific ridiculousness about this movie is that on first generation the plane AI is top notch, better than human, super duper flying machine rather than a semi-autonomous helicopter with a shotgun bolted to it, which is much more believable, frankly (what ARE those guys thinking....?)

Finally Mr and Mrs Smith, the Jolie / Pitt carriage that famously got the two of them together and allegedly Jolie up the Duff. Interesting point that Pitt and that Jennifer Aniston got married the same day that Bubble and I did back in '00. We had better beer, apparently. So this is a silly thing in the vein of, although not nearly as good/clever as, True Lies. The movie makers probably consider that they took the TL idea to "the next level" by having both partners be covert ops dudes unbeknownst to each other (in this case assassins, not spies), but they really didn't. It is, in parts, an interesting study on married life and the little things that irritate us. On at least 2 occasions, Bubble turned to me and said something like "you shut up" or "don't say a word", especially during the conversation about the curtains. This movie, like Furtiv (I much prefer the French title), will not tax the brain. It does however have plenty of Angelina running around in clothing inappropriate to kicking your leg that high and plenty of Brad and his signature body and facial ticks, which the girls seem to love so much. All in all an entertaining couple of hours, that would have been a more entertaining hour and a half, had they cut the shitty plot out completely and just had Ange and Brad going at it in the front room then running out to kill a bunch of guys.

Bomber out

2006-03-03T03:12:00.000-08:00

I've been waiting a year for this...

not sure if you recall my excitement last year when, on finalising the decision to move to Brussels, I found that there is an annual festival of fantastic film held here. My excitement was tempered by the fact that I would have to wait a whole year for it, coz it happens in March.

Well, for the Calendrially challenged amongst you, it is now March, and BIFFF is here.

BIFFF publicity poster (incase you couldn't guess...)

I've trawled the schedule (beware badly presented pdf link) and picked out 6 films that I've just this second booked tickets for. They are; The descent, Evil Aliens, Running Scared, Minotaur, V for Vendetta and Sky High

I'm dead chuffed to get to see V and Sky High and evil aliens looks like a riot. The other 3 are thrillers with vartying doses of horror thrown in, but I was more than a little disappointed with the selection of fantasy and Sci-fi available. Almost all is horror or thriller/horror type stuff. Any recommendations from the movie buffs amongst you would be gratefully received. btw I've seen Naked Lunch and, although Andrea hasn't, I don't really think she'd enjoy it, so that's why it's not on the list.

Bomber out

2006-03-02T05:23:00.000-08:00

beaten to the punch (again) well, they did have 12 weeks notice I suppose.

From the comments, it is obvious that when Smudge emailed me this morning saying "the scan came back fine, you are clear to post the news on the blog" what he actually meant was "we've already told everyone." Ho hum. News is news and the gingers are pregnant so cause for celebration all round. Here's a picture of the little tyke.

If you look carefully you can just make out the hair and protruding bottom lip...

As my thunder has been stolen, that's all you get. I'm off biking

Bomber out

2006-02-17T03:05:00.000-08:00

Do that bloody shirt up, will you?

The phrase comeback always gives me odd mental images, comeback tour often generates even odder real images. I'd offer those venerable pensioners, the Rolling Stones as prime example, except that they never really left. But if they had, then the image of them on stage in a comeback tour would be similar to ... watching them on stage in a non-comeback tour. Not to mention the sheer amount of cash those boys charge for watching them prance around in a manner more befitting people who could be (may be) their grandkids. I'm not generally keen on such things. I prefer the celluloid approach to entertainment. Remeber the band as they were when they recorded the music you listened to as a kid, updating the image will only serve to remind you of your own advancement in the game of life.

Yes, you guessed it, we went to see the Simple Minds play last night. To be fair to Jim Kerr (not sure why, but there you go) he's not in the same league as the Rolling Stones age-wise, but he and the band definitely left which means this is definitely a comeback (even if they don't say so on the posters). That said, you would think they've been dead active from looking at their website so whaddo I know, except to say that at least 75% of their releases in the last years have been best ofs, re-issues or live recordings and methinks that means having left.

Now, I'm treading on thin ice here, coz SM's manager is a good friend of my sister-in-law Daph, which is how we got the free tickets for which we are thankful. On the other hand, they (SM, not D&D) are old so they deserve it. I may get severely beaten later, mind...

So, dispensing with the health warning, we trotted to the Ancienne Belgique and told the hairy man at the door that we were on the list in our best rock follower manner. Actually, that's a lie, we were quite apologetic about the whole thing .. I've never been on a "list" before and was dead nervous they'd just kill us before checking. They didn't though, and we got in. The gig was a sellout months in advance so it's safe to say that there is a reasonable fanbase here. Naturally enough, that fan base transpired to be mostly around our age, with the halcyon years of SM being the mid 80's so this was unsurprising and actually a little comforting. There were quite a lot of fat old rockers (less comforting, than ... hairy and smelly) and the chat was mostly in Dutch. I wondered what the French have against Simple Minds, without really caring too much. One enterprising gentleman was paying for his drinks (and possibly his ticket) by colloecting glasses and returning them for the 10cent deposit. He seemed to be doing quite well and it saved us bothering.

The support band was some mob we've not heard of and we ought to have gone to see them, but there was a bar so we didn't. I went to put the coats away (self serve lockers downstairs) with my single 1 Euro coin that Andrea had given me as pocket money*. Testing the locker to make sure the key worked, I discovered that teh 1 Euro was not a key deposit but a payment. I went back upstairs to get another Euro from Bubble. It would have been even more embarrassing if the guy behind me at the lockers hadn't done exactly the same thing at the same time.

SM came on at about 10. Why is it that bands always come on late? Do they not have palm pilots, mobile phones or wristwatches with which to tell the time and stay up to date with the relationship between the Now and the precise time when all the paying customers will be waiting for them to do what it said on the ticket, play at 8.45? Enquiring minds want to know. Simple Minds didn't seem to care and neither did the crowd. There was a bar. I might have mentioned that.

Well, I must admit that Jim Kerr has aged quite well. I don't have to admit that about his guitarist, who looks like the old fat knacker he is. The keyboard player and bassist looked new, possibly the sons of the guitarist, they looked quite young. The drummer was a little more difficult to see properly, surrounded as he was with a forest of skins and hi-hats. From their website, though, it looks like the drummer is Kerr's brother and still with the band, so there you are.

They came on stage and I nearly had a heart attack; Jim Kerr was wearing a shirt open to the waist, into which he was already sweating. I checked the exit routes fro a quick escape. Jim did not, however, rebutton his shirt at any stage and continued to perspire in a manner befitting someone working very hard to keep up with their memories of what they used to be capable of. Everytime I get on a bike I'm the same, but I tend to do my shirt up. Fortunately we were too far back to be directly exposed to any excessive wobbling so the sharp exit was unnecessary.

They did the thing that all comebacky bands do, which is play some new stuff till people start migrating back to the bar, then throw in an anthemic hit to get everyone back and boogying again. I saw a very sad Adam Ant do this 10 years ago in the US. SM did much better. Possibly this is because I don't recognise most of their stuff, except the really obvious ones like Alive and Kicking and that, which sound like U2 to me, which is probably why I never had any of their albums. As such, to me the first 2/3 rds of the set sounded like all new stuff, although Andrea says she heard some "oldies" in there. they really kicked in the anthemic stuff towards the end, I suspect to finish everyone off on a high note. One thing that is always evident watching a more experienced band, is how tight they are as a whole. Even with 40% replacements, they really did put on a good show, hardly stopping for breath during the whole set (except to say bon soir to the mostly Flemish audience, which I thought was a nice touch).

All in all it was a good evening, and not the jaded middle-aged twaddle I had feared it might be. I'll not be buying their album, but if you have a family member close to the band, I suggest you prod them for a free ticket and go see the show.

We're off skiing (with about 1/2 of you, actually) tonight. I'll try and post some ski type posts in the next week, otherwise see you all when we get back.

Bomber out

*may not be true

2006-02-06T22:45:00.000-08:00

The healing power of laughter

it's a funny world, when more people get killed over a satirical cartoon than probably read it in the first place and where an issue only really starts to escalate after a Muslim boycott of products from a country most famous for its bacon exports. Well OK, and bad blue cheese but really, WTF is that all about?

I have heard SO much opinion on the radio this week, from the Stoic Danish position of apologising for offence caused but not for having been so thoughtless in the first place, to several papers reprinting the cartoons to one woman calling in to say that, as Muslims, all they could do was complain politely because all Muslims respect all other religions and are never violent, oh no sir. See a couple of ex Budda shaped piles of rubble in Afghanistan and several countries' middle school curricula for evidence of the universality of this secular approach at government level. Closer to home, we have the placards in London streets calling for more bombings and beheadings and of course the sacking of embassies in Syria and Lebanon and several deaths (was going to say tragic deaths, but it seemed redundant).

Pundits and politicos are declaring a polarisation of opinion over this issue, something we are conditioned always to be fearful of. Move 2 sides of an opinion too far away from each other and bridges are no longer possible, all that is left is hate and mistrust and generations are needed to finally bring the two sides together again. You can be left with a festering situation, like the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, where those involved can't even agree which part of what side of the fence they are standing on. So why do I think this drifting apart of two sides might be a good thing? Because the polarisation that I'm starting to see is within the land of Islam, not between it and any other group.

Yesterday there was a march in Lebanon related to the whole cartoon issue. What were they protesting about? Was it the denigration of their faith caused by some (frankly not very tasteful or funny) 'satirical' cartoons depicting their Prophet? Was it a general condemnation of the imperialist West? Was it a call to get the Israelis out of Palestine? No, they were protesting against the violence wreaked on their own city by people hijacking the Islamist cause as an excuse to burn things. The irony of such a march in Lebanon should be lost on no-one. The organisers of the weekend Lebanese protests that ended in violence on Sunday have also disavowed the "100 or so people" that turned that protest violent but, by the same token, there were individuals interviewed in the multi-religion peace march yesterday who spouted the same sort of threatening bile that escalated the problem in the first place. Check the ages on the nutters, all in their 20s. Bloody students, just ignore 'em.

On the radio and in the papers, increasing calls from what are being termed moderate Muslims but I would prefer to think of as the Muslim mainstream for calm and the right to be offended about the printing (and re-printing) of these cartoons without the need to actually burn anything. This type of polarisation I am down with. For far too long, the Land of Islam has been seen by "the West" as being fundamentalist in the mainstream rather than violently insane on the fringes. It's clear from opinions heard that Muslims will tend to support Muslims, and why wouldn't they? It's ridiculous to defend your own country/faith/opinions and then expect others not to. And when violence is used to answer violence (OK, chicken and egg there, but you get the picture) it's easy to sympathise with disenfranchised Palestinians fighting with whatever they have at hand, or with Far East and European Muslims to feel solidarity with their Arab brethren, caught between their own stupid dictators and a Western world greedy for oil and with the weapons to secure it. Palestinians throw a lot more stones than they detonate bombs, and that's all when they're not working for a living. Mostly for Israelis. Israel fro its own part puts more effort into getting on with their every day lives than airstriking refugee camps. The media tends to filter out the boring stuff and we get the impression that everyone is a rabid killer. The Palestinian conflict challenges the difference between terrorist and freedom fighter. Burning down buildings and killing people over a couple of cartoons in a Danish paper does not.

We need more of this kind of polarisation, it will bleed the middle ground of recruits to the lunatic fringe and isolate those who strive to create an atmosphere of violence and hatred. It needs the Islamic mainstream to stand up and be counted and choose a side in their own internal conflict, to stand up and clearly state "these guys have nothing to do with us".

For the record, I don't think these cartoons were very good (well, OK, the one about running out of virgins was quite funny). They were printed in Jyllands Posten, the most popular daily paper in Denmark and apparently a bit right wing, but still with a weekday circulation of only about 150,000. BNP monthly sells more* for fuck's sake. Their reprinting by over 40 publications in over 20 countries (mostly "Western" but including Jordan and Malaysia) seems like rubbing salt in the wound, frankly. Many of these publications ran parallel illustrations sending up other deities to re-enforce their point but why not just run the multi-religion cartoon alone? Why include a, pretty crude, illustration of Mohammed in a Turban with a fuse burning out the top of it? Fucking sales, that's why.

Meanwhile, it has been reported from Iran that some right wing paper is running a competition to satirise the Holocaust. This could actually be constructive, depending on how we react to it. Hopefully we can all have a good laugh then ignore the ignorant bastards.

Bomber out

*may not be true

2006-02-01T06:00:00.000-08:00

a very short link to a very long site

I had planned to go for a bike ride this afternoon. Imagine my consternation then, when I was sent a link to http://www.thingsmygirlfriendandihavearguedabout.com/ and found myself unreasonably transfixed by the whole thing. Genius.

Now it is too late to go biking, something that Bubble and I will no doubt get into an arguement about when she gets home.

Bomber out

2006-01-30T21:46:00.000-08:00

Movies and that

DP Richard sent me into a spin this morning with his comment about the Avil Aliens (very good trailer) star Emily Booth. He says google, I google. It just works that way. Oh, my. Seems that this giorl is an ex Big-Breakfast ... errr ... skank. Fantastic! Her site is chock full of staged shots of "our Em" in various different ~~whoring uniforms~~ poses such as ...

clarse

Well I never. My favorite though, has to be the big gun shot;

Now THAT is a big gun

I notice that there are no grimy-covered-in-blood shots from Evil Aliens in her PR portfolio.

In other movie news and POTC II - Dead Man's Chest trailer is up (although, feeling very proud of myself for finding it, I looked on AICN to find that they posted it last November....). hmmm, I'm really not sure about this. They've got all the ingredients; Depp and Rush (must be a ghost or something, but anything for a bit more Barbossa) Pirate lore not used already (the Black spot, Davey Jones himself) Kiss-me nightly (if you can stand to do anything but stare at her cleavage) so it should be a winner. I can't help the feeling though that this is going to be ... well ... shit. Of course one of the main attractions of the original movie was the character that Depp created. Fresh, full of comedy and nothing that any of us who don't follow the Rolling Stones have ever seen before. And that's the problem. We have seen it before now, 2 years ago in the original movie. I'm terribly afraid this is going to come over all tiresome, like a Jim-Carey-plays-wacky-Jim-Carey movie ... excruciatingly painful. On the other hand, looking at the amount of truly contrived action in the trailer, we might just be looking at a new Indiana Jones franchise, which I could be a good thing, but we'll see later in the year.

Finally, I heard an article on the radio this morning about a movie being marketed on the basis that it has the worst performing box office record in history. According to it's producer, Offending Angels grossed a grand total of $150~~,000,000~~ at the box office. With that kind of performance, it would have to be British. Oh, and it is. The producer was plugging the DVD release on the BBC this morning, rather cleverly using the abysmal box office takings in order to secure 2 minutes of morning radio time, although the fact that he actually pointed this out to the presenter was somewhat a negative point in his spot. The presenter of course spared no time taking the piss, but the producer seems to have swallowed so much humble pie already that he took it all very well. Might look this up for a B movie night.

Bomber out

2006-01-26T07:06:00.000-08:00

beer buying's done in anticipation of a ginger arrival

Smudge gets in tomorrow evening and has left explicit instructions that he is to be met at the train station with proferred beer. Sounds like a good start to me.

The Posies last night were ... well ... OK. They seem to have come out of the Seattle scene back in the Nirvana years and to have never quite made it. They also seem to have grown old and fat (well the lead singer, at least) without noticing it. Fat sweaty lead singer on stage? No thanks. The second front man, just as old and sweaty but a lot skinnier had a bad habbit of spitting on stage. His mum would not approve. They did a lot of syncronised jumping when they were about to hit noisy bits aswell, which came over odd and invoked much blubbery wobbling. Still, not a bad night out for less than a tenner each.

Have fun in S'pore this weekend guys, say hello to whatever buffet you end up spending Sunday afternoon at for me aswell.

Bomber out

2006-01-25T03:27:00.000-08:00

's another one of those days

We're off to see a band tonight. A somewhat random choice, some Seattle mob called the Posies. Sound a bit girly but I'm assured that they have drums and guitars so we'll see. Also, next month a band called Kill The Young, who are an Irish guitar band. Any one heard of these guys? The two songs on their site sound OK but I am always suspicious of any band made up of siblings ... must be a phobia or summat. Still, only 10 Euros so I suppose we'll go.

A snippet from the News and this story about a French murder investigation caught my eye. The policemen's professional opinion was quoted as;

We reckon it was pirates

Meanwhile no-one's heard from DP Richard in a while... Actually there's quite a good reason that they rekon it's pirates but I'll leave it to you to see if you're bothered enough to click and find out.

Bomber out

2006-01-24T03:17:00.000-08:00

Bubble's on a "retreat" this weekend, so Smudge is coming over to help me smash the flat up.

I tell you what, fucking employers in this town sure lay it on for the staff. 2 bonuses a year, allowances out the wazoo, stipend payments for running fucking chess club. 's no wonder no-one leaves (the shortest stay on Bubble's team is 12 years...) The best though is that, if you ask them to, they have to let you work half time. By law. Spot the teachers who reach their last 10 years in the job then go 1/2 time, only to go full time again for a year or 2 at the end to ensure pension paymants (which are based on the last year's salary). Where are the kids in all this? Who fucking cares. And apparently this isn't just restricted to teachers. All employers do this kind of shit.

Now, If I could just find one...

So, Bubble is off on this teacher retreat this weekend. Well, Friday night and Saturday day, actually, but that is considered whole weekend working here. They get put up in a hotel and fed a banquet ... and why? because they're all too busy to get their jobs done during the week. Bloody nice, huh. Gives me and the Smudger a chance to tear it up a bit though. He arrives on Friday night. Hmmmmm .... beer

For you ozzie lot, I saw this story about the value of whale vomit. About 20 USD / gram, apparently. Get beach combing boys.

Bomber out

2006-01-18T03:11:00.000-08:00

Movies and adverts

Dave beat me to the punch with the trailers for Slither and Ultraviolet. Both of which I want to see. I agree with Dave that Ultraviolet could go either way (bit like Aeon Flux; anyone seen that yet?) and will possibly have all the chavs screaming "it's just a copy of the Matrix" which would be a damning inditement of originality in our times but, so long as they don't go for too much plot, I'm in; Milla Jovovich in even less clothing ... and it's all latex. Sold. Slither, on the other hand, promises real delight of the kind that vary few movies have been able to deliver (Tremors springs to mind as a singular example of a delivery of a full load of exactly this kind of goodness.) Still looking out for Sky High, any movie with Kurt Russel and Bruce Campbel (and I'm pretty sure this is the only one) has got to be worth a 6 pack and a bag of crisps. Bubble and I went to the HMV NY sales and picked up Bubba Ho-Tep, Zoolander, Napoleon Dynamite and The Wicker man. I've seen all of these except the Wicker man before and they're a joy to relive. I haven't yet sat down to see Bubba Ho-Tep with Bruce doing commentary in character as the king. It's a bit geeky for Bubble, but I'll get to it later in the week. Wicker man appealed to me on several levels.

it was cheap
it has Christopher Lee in it
he has really bad hair
it also has Edward Woodward in it
I'm not sure about his hair, but probably also bad
it is set on a remote Scottish island and is about Religious cultists
therefore it will probably be fucking terrifying
it involves at least one bonefire (missing V for Vendetta...)

I'll let you know once I've seen it

I got an email today letting me know of a new episode in a series that I had forgotten. It's the series of Virgin train ads called "littler Britain". I didn't post it before, coz there was only one up, but there's three now so go have a look. Quite good, in a strictly purile sense, which is the only sense that makes sense anyway. Dave, you will recognise the third one, that's Bracknell on a saturday night at closing time, that is.

Bomber out

2006-01-16T23:29:00.000-08:00

linkies

I took up cricket on Sunday. My wrist and shoulder haven't been this stiff since I was a teenager... well, maybe since my twenties anyway. I was quite impressed with the cricket team I went to practice with, they're mostly about as shit as me so I think we'll get on. I batted in the nets fro about 20 minutes and now have 3 nice bruises which amply demonstrate the gaps in standard cricket pads.

I have a couple of things to show you today, both of which I had meant to tell you about a while ago but didn't. You may have heard of both of them coz they've been around for a while (in internet terms at least) the first is a free internet phone service called Skype. This is a small piece of client software that sits on your PC and allows you to call any one else with the same software loaded. You need to set up an account with the skype boys, as they host the connection between e users. Their angle is to try and sell you line time to call landlines etc but PC to PC calls are completely free. Cue natterring with folks in far flung places for hours on end. Our user name is andrea-and-james so install the programme, look us up and we can have free telephone convos about ...errr stuff.

The next is the Ricky Gervais show hosted through the Guardian Unlimited. I think DP Rich first recommended this to me but my memory is a bit blur at the mo. Currently about 1/2 way through their series (episode 7 this week), this is a radio talk show format which Ricky hosts along with his mates Karl and Steve. Not live so no phone ins (although I'm sure you could find Karl suggesting it at some point in a previous episode, he's sort of the thick one) but they do take emails and what so there is some interaction. Required listening.

That's it for me this morning, I might go for a little lie down.

Bomber out

2006-01-13T03:11:00.000-08:00

Afternoon all

I went for my first night time mountain bike ride last night. T'was most excellent, except that I was reminded how much I rely on looking down at my bike to check what gear I'm in. That doesn't work so well at 9pm on a winter night...

The forest was completely empty (well; we saw one othe bike and 2 rabbits, so almost) so we were able to ride the "super special forbidden trails" without fear of running into the parkies. Most of these trails are actually prepared (so no damage problems) and have apparently been banned to bikes due to their popularity amongst walkers. And their kids in prams. And their uncles. And their uncle's dogs. So, riding them all at night no problem then.

One of the other bike club members lent me his lights, which are teh ones in the picture. These are ace and capable of blinding any motorist at 200 paces. Sadly they also cost 150 quid so I'll be holding off on a new purchase any time soon and relying on loans and charity for now. Another bloke told me on Wednesday (we had a skiver's ride, that I was obviously part of, on Wednesday afternoon) that he'd bought a set for 40 shiny Euro things, which he'd been using for offroading so maybe I'll give them a look. For that price I could buy 2 and strap one to me helmet (the one on my head Jezz).

We should be going out again next week and I want to try and get some pictures because the forest just looks so different under lamp light. Meantine, I'm dreaming of this video camera with lipstick cam attached for making stoked extreme middle aged biking videos.

Hmmm, groovy video goodness. And look, it's bullet shaped ... so you go faster

Bomber out

2006-01-09T07:58:00.000-08:00

Hap-py New Year!

3 weeks and no posting. Bloody unforgivable! Well, I did spend most of it drunk, if that's any consolation. I've a couple of things to post later in the week, once I've got the steam up to convert thoughts into words, possibly with the help of lager, which for some reason I seem to have some of in my fridge.

Oh yes, I remember .... Last Friday we hosted the monthly BigM bike pr0n night. BigM is the mountainbike club we've joined and every so often they get together and watch mountain bike ~~pr0n~~ videos. Loads of people came, although most of them were late so we had to watch the videos through twice, which Andy, the owner of said videos seemed quite happy about. The Vids thenselves are full of young middle class American kids doing tricks on bikes and talking about how stoked they, like, are. And stuff. Kind of like BMX bandits but no afros. A fun time was had by all, although without mentioning any names (not that they read this site, but you never know) one (french) person brought a 6 pack of 1/2 litre cans of Stella then proceeded to hove into the *good* beer and someone else brought .... one can of Jupiler (the 2nd shittest beer in Belgium) and 3 (yes 3) half empty bags of crisps. To be fair, the second transgressor then drank water all night so I can't complain about the beer, but they did have a good go at our cheese. Didn't have to put the cheese plate in the dishwasher at the end of the evening, it was licked clean!

The upshot is, I'm drinking stella till it's all gone (another couple of nights I rekon). I refused to stoop to eating any of the opened crisps though. They went in the bin.

Went on a good ride Sunday morning with the same crowd, they seem to be a sensible lot in the main and not *too* keen.

I'll leave you with a couple of headlines, which reminded me how important it sometimes is to know the back story.

From the Guardian today;

Chefs cleared over TV slaughter - Yorkshire crowd goes postal when Jamie Oliver cooks black pudding in olive oil, six film crew members eaten. Oliver cleared of inciting violence by reason of stupidity.
Sharon breathing independently - He no longer relies solely on America for oxygen (did I just say that? straight to Hull with me)
Cameron says Tories will keep tuition fees - but they'll return the lunch money
Murray rolls on in Auckland - I didn't even know Dave was in NZ at the mo.

Bomber out

2005-12-22T22:51:00.000-08:00

Jounalists would entitle "A sobering thought for drinkers"

But then that's because they can't see past the pun needed to pay for their next whisky, the old soaks. This story, about some fruitless research into hangover cures, offers the "useful advice";

the only sure way of avoiding a hangover is not to drink in the first place

Cunts

Xmas is almost upon us and the fridge is stocked to the gunnels with beer. Enjoy your swimming pools, all you southern monkies and speak to you again after the wrapping paper has settled.

Bomber out

2005-12-08T22:42:00.000-08:00

Calling all zombies!

Check out this free game. It's an online city with >100,000 registered players, based around a zombie infestation story. It's very simple (all text) but it's got zombies!!

Takes about 10 minutes a day to play (you are restricted to 50 "action points" per day) so easily doable even for you worker monkeys!

See you in Malton!

Bomber out

2005-12-06T02:58:00.000-08:00

We went, we saw, we ate sausage

Last weekend saw our trip to the Christmas markets in Germany. Apparently these are quite famous. I had an idea that they might be a bit shit...

We went to 2 markets, one in Achen, one somewhere else I can't be bothered to remember the name of now. I was surprised at how quickly we were able to drive out of Belgium, cut a corner across Holland and into Germany. Only took about an hour and a half. I remember growing up on my little island thinking these places were so far away...

Anyhow, we arrived in Achen and it was brass monkeys so we found the first mulled wine stall we could and refuelled there. There were possibly more english tourists at the market than there were Germas. This, of course, should have been a good, except that tehy were all (all) white trash chav-tastic arseholes so it was embarrasing instead. Mark pointed out that there weren't many old buildings left. Shouldn't have invaded Poland, then, should they, I opined. Mark suggested that it was a bit more complex than that, then thought a bit and agreed that it wasn't.

The market seemed made up of 20% model nativity selling stalls, 10% hippy cunts selling some shite they'd made in their garage, 15% tacky christmas decorations and 55% food and drink stalls. We had heard rumours that there was at least one stall selling edible baby jesuses, and I wanted several, but we couldn't find it. We went for the sausages instead. At the first sausage stall they had something that looked exactly like black pudding so I had that, with lots of sourkraut (sp?) of course. As everyone knows, the reason that the jerries lost the war is that they put too much meat on their sausages. We, on the other hand, pack them with sawdust and rat droppings so the meat goes further. If they had done the same, their stock of sausages would have lasted longer and they wouldn't have had to give up as soon as they did, all hungry like. Then we could have firebombed more towns and further aided their post war construction industry. Some people just can't recognise help when they are offerred it. The Black pudding was no exception to this rule and, while it tasted OK, was missing the grainy texture that comes from packing it out with shavings and toenails. It had a really soft texture that made me want to yak, but the look of disgust on bubble's face was too precious to waste so I carried on munching.

After a quick look around (and 2 more mulled wine stalls) we decided that Achen was a shit hole so we moved on to the 2nd market. This one was in a much prettier town (much more old buildings, we must have missed it), although the crap on sale was exactly the same, only fewer sausage stalls. We hung around there for a couple of hours then had some more sausage and started back. On the way we stopped in to see a band that Mark had been thinking of joining. They were playing in a pub on the outskirts of Brussels and the place was packed. All seemed promising until the band started playing... We left a while later, ears pleading with us to please stop the torture and returned to Chez nous for after market beers. All in all a worthwhile day, although I'm not sure I'll be heading back to the Christmas markets or teh "swing cafe" any time soon...

Last night we went to see The Stars, a lesser known Montreal band, who are touring at the mo. Really good show in a tiny hall ( less than 200 people I guess). I got drunk and bought their album. On Vinyl. Odd as I don't own a record player. Oh well, one more thing to add tot he shopping list. Ta ta, I'm off for a bike ride (in teh fucking cold...)

Oh, and DP Rich; "James Blunt" is now officially Cockney rhyming slang for ... well I'm sure you can guess. Check this out

Bomber out

2005-11-29T07:25:00.000-08:00

Yes, your arse does look fat in that,

and you know why? Because it is. A wonderful story on a study of American males and females, entitled "Longer needles needed for fatter buttocks - study" which tested a massive .... 50 people ... concluded that all yanks are lardy. Talk about money for old rope...

Also this little song, which was posted on B3ta last week. Their newsletters have been a bit poor of late, although that's possibly sourgrapes over the fact that they posted the pussy beer article but not my rant about it, which I (and all right thinking people) thought was the best bit. Fucking media twats.... Anyway this one's ace and celebrates the 5th b'day of one Leo Blair with a song and crayon drawings about his dad. Sound shit? well it's not.

Bomber out

2005-11-26T00:20:00.000-08:00

moning folks

bloody snowed last night. We'd gone to Gent for the evening, ostensibly to go to a track racing meet but really just to meet up with our new adopted bike club, the BigM. The snow started as we pulled into Gent station. With Gent only about 20 miles from Brussels, we had a pretty good idea what would eb happening to the weather back home. As it turned out, the tickets were sold out (for a cycle track racing meet!) so we went to the pub instead. Sitting in one of the hearts of Flemish Belgium, nusing some super-strength beers. The snow continued to fall. The wind was whistling down the main street and so while a blizzard flew past on one side of the pub, through the window onto the side street, it was falling in the lea of the building and so seemed quite tranquil. We looked from one to the other and wondered how we would get home. Ah, well, there was always the beer.

Of course we did get home fine, the trains were a little late but still running; this isn't BR, after all. The morning brought news of devastation on the Brussels roads and abandoned trams at the stop outside our flat. Apparently around 15% of drivers are over the limit at 9pm on any given friday night, multiply that by the snow fall and see what you get. The cat's never seen the snow and rushed out into the back garden at the first opportunity. he then froze solid as he realised that the ground was the wrong colour and giving way under him. He would make step after tentative step with his front paws, but his rear was just not following, I guess because he couldn't see them. It was precious. We watched for a while, wishing we had a video camera, and then fetched him in. Ahh the joy of your first snow! I'll leave you with this email regarding the recently departed football player and bon vivant, George Best;

Made me laugh, anyway

Bomber out

2005-11-23T01:52:00.000-08:00

Morning folks

well the Frenchie lessons are going OK and I got into my first PVP action this morning (L33t for got killed by another player rather than a NPC pirate) on EVE. Strange how bad it felt, kind of like I'd lost something real. Huh.

Anyhoo, I had lots of jokeys forwarded by peeps in the last week, the one you've probably all seen by now about the girlfriend's apology for blowing two guys in the pub toilet was a standout, and I got that from at least 3 people so it has oficially gone viral. The star of the show, though, was this gem from Jules, which I'm pretty sure is Smudge with his Spiderman costume on...

Go web Go!

Could be Jezza, though, for those of you who haven't met the big man yet, here's his webcam.

Bomber out

2005-11-17T03:46:00.000-08:00

howdy folks

It's amazing how I manage to fill all this time I have, what with not working and all, but here I am, it's 12.45 and I haven't written anything in a week (save a letter for Andrea to send to the phone company, I'm now here secretary; beats working for a ... etc etc) and I've only got 15 minutes before I have to get ready fro my French class (that is; get dressed in clothes suitable for outdoors, rather than the Thai fishing man's pants that I'm loafing around in at the moment). As far as timewasting goes, I'm spending altogether too much time at the moment playing a new game, my first real attempt at network play; EVE online. The makers of EVE claim it to be the largest game universe in the world and that might well be more than just advertising hype. when I log on, there are typically between 5,000 - 10,000 active players online. The record for players on simultaneously is, I believe, about 17,000; which is a whole lot of grade 3 homework not getting done as well as twats like me with nothing better to do. For those of you interested in such things (well ... for you actually, Dave) the game is like the PC Elite games (can't remember the name; Freelancer...?) that we played back in S'pore, but online with '000s of live players. It's a space trading / mining game. Now; mining is, of course, for the birds, and trading is tedious aswell, but hunting pitates, well, that can get quite fun. Anyway. Go check it out for yourself if you're interested but beware, addiction may follow.

I recall hyping up all the great bands that play in Brussels a couple of months back and know that I haven't told you anything about any of them. Well, that's frankly because the gigs we went to weren't too impressive ... actually. We saw the Stripes last month and they were great but the venue was a bit shit and we got stuck sitting under a concrete beam trying to see around a column. Next time I go there I'm going upstairs with a pair of binoculars. I know that big venues are sometimes the only way to get to see A-list bands but it's a bit shit really. I can't imagine paying good money to go to a U2 concert, for example and if I did (like someone paid me to go and promised never to tell anyone about it) I couldn't see the point of standing 1/2 a mile away watching bono toss himself off on a big TV. I suppose it's for the athmosphere, but it just seems like a ripoff to me.

Then there was Supergrass, who we went to see a week or so back. The venue in that case was much smaller and more personal but they were a bit dissapointing. No energy from a band whose music thrives on it was a bit frustrating and ... well ... lazy. They spent the first half of the set fucking sitting down! That's why I haven't bothered posting about them.

Why then, I hear you ask, are you bothering us now? well, the reason I bring this up is that 2 nights ago we went to see a band called the Frames. I honestly didn't expect much; I can't remember where I got the recommendation to buy their album but I have it and it's OK; quite relaxed but a little slow for my tastes. Well the concert was an education indeed. They sounded completely different on stage than on the album and came over a bit like Radiohead, which was a real shock after the album, and a good shock at that. I tried to get a live recording of them, but they weren't selling them after the gig, perhaps I'll trawl amazon after my French lesson, which I need to dress for now, so catch you later.

Bomber out

2005-11-08T22:41:00.000-08:00

Language, rioting and bird flu

Morning proles, my French lessons are now in full swing and are taking up about 6 hours a day so that's keeping me busy. I threw a bunch of applications in to firms that were advertising only in Dutch. Not sure what they were for, but seemed like a laugh at the time. Actually, I'm beginning to get the impression that employers simply demand tri-lingual (Fr-Nl-En) candidates as a matter of course. My French teacher reckons there's precious few tri lingual people in Brussels and certainly everyone seems to choose either Dutch or French, rarely speaking both. In fact one of my first lessons in Brussels politics was watching two people talking to each other on the street. From their accents, one was clearly French, the other just as obviously Flemish. They communicated in English. There seems to be a crisis of identity here; Brussels is reportedly about 50% Francophone and certainly the language of the street seems to be more like 80% French. The City, however, is not only the capital of the country but also of Flemish Brabant and so you don't need to go too far out (say ... 3 miles) before French stops being spoken completely. I am banking on the Flemings (as my Fr / Belgian mate Marc calls them) to be more forgiving of a mono-lingual twerp such as me than the French are.

Which reminds me, a quick note about the rioting in France. I just heard reported speech on the radio (God Bless the BBC) that some politico or pundit said "if they're not happy here, they can return to their homelands", to which the rioter responded "but that's Lyon", which just summed up the whole problem, really. Seems the French Right wing are right behind the rioters - poking them with sticks.

Jezza sent me this weather report for today;

On to the linkys and I am privileged to be on the mailing list of Carnage resident and world famous raconteur Guy Brennan. Guy clearly has almost as much time on his hands as I so I get a lot of stuff from him. Mostly videos, which I can't be arsed to post, this story, however about two cheer leaders doing what comes naturally and getting arrested (although not for that) is worth a looky. Finally I got this from Jezza, who also has too much time on his hands;

Actually, you could replace Bird Flu with SARS and the joke would still work, it reminds me a little of the Belgian legend that, way back when, beer was popularised here by some duke announcing "Drink beer, then you won't catch the plague!" Interesting logic and based on the fact that water for beer is boiled during the brewing process, therefore proofing it against the disease. Of course he could have opined "boil your water, then you won't catch the plague!" but then L'eau du Trappiste doesn't really have the same ring to it.

Bomber out

2005-11-07T22:36:00.000-08:00

OK, OK, stop the bus. Where the fuck did I fall off?

Although we all decry the blockbuster animation movie, I for one secretly enjoy them on a wide eyed "ooooh" level. The less acting the better, as they've always spent the budget on the CG so who wants to see what they could afford cast wise with the left-overs? I also recall mates of mine writing simple computer games at school when in their early teens and my folks talking about how the generation gap has left them stranded on the analogue beach while we were all zooming away into our computer driven paradise. I knew this would all come full circle eventually and I've just seen another symptom of it on engaget today. Take a look at this guy's site. Don't look at the BIO section until you've seen his gallery of CG stuff, the FX wars thingy with the robot trashing the car is bloody magnificent and looked a bit like the Matrix II scene, if that movie had been good and had less acting in it. There's a whole bunch of other groovy stuff aswell, although the best of the others has to be his Sony ad exercise. Right now, impressed? Look at the BIO; this little cunt's 18 years old! AAAHhhhh!!!!

Fuck it, I'm off to get me flat cap and pipe. Bloody kids murmur murmur blah blah bumbug.

Bomber out

2005-11-07T00:15:00.000-08:00

Brussels survives the whirlwind

Morning proles, Bubble's back at work so I'm allowed to type again. I nearly drove her bonkers typing the last entry while she had a migrane. Ah well, you've just got to get these things out sometimes, haven't you? There's a certain irony to the situation, as that evening the Smudgers arrived, starting us on a journey of beer that lasted until Monday afternoon and me not typing anything for a week.

The Smudgers got in a little late (about 11.15) and all the pubs were shut, so we consoled ourselves with a few beers in the front room, while being dead quiet trying not to wake up Bubble. Turns out the tall glass doors to our front room are quite good sound insulators, so I didn't get into any more trouble than I was already in for typing constantly for the 2 hours previous... Friday morning and Bubble had to go to work. She was pissed about this because there was a strike on and she was hoping that they'd close the school due to the significant lack of public transport. Teachers, you see, don't get enough time off. They had closed the school during the last strike 2 weeks previously, but I suppose the school thinks there are likely to be more of them and at the end of the day the kids do have to spend an absolute minimum of 4 days a year in the classroom and they just can't afford to eat into that. You note that in Belgium they always strike on a Friday; this is a masterful political move designed to gain popular support by arranging for the general populace to get a long weekend. No, really.

So, off to work trots Bubble and off down the pub trotted me and the Smudgers. Well, not straight away (Bubble leaves for work at 7 and, no matter how dedicated, that's a bit early.) We waited till 11, the traditional start time for Sunday brunches of old, and headed to our local pub. I use the terms local and pub loosely. It's only local because it's near us and, according to Jezzer's definition, it's not a pub as it lacks a dart board. It does, however, have all the other qualifications; Beer, nicotine stained everything, sticky hop-infused carpet, faint urinal smell, the strength of which is the only reliable way of locating the predictably disgusting toilets topped off with the standard Belgian pub menu of moules, crouque monsieur, steak frites and spaghetti. As I recall (and recollections of the later stages of this particular Friday have been a little difficult to come by) we stayed there until about 5 when we rolled next door to the supermarket and bought as much beer as the three of us could carry and trundled off home with it to await the return of Bubble. The (sober) light of my life returned at around 6 and immediately started on a catch-up campaign which would have brought awed respect from the likes of Elvie's mum and dad. By 8 we were all equally trollied so we headed down town. Sparky and Emma were due in on the Chunnel at 9.30 so we found a pub near the train station and settled in.

Pubs near train stations are special, don't you think? I had thought that the pub we had spent the afternoon in was a pit, but we were really digging deep with this one. Everyone (EVERYONE) in this pub had some sort of limp or other lameness. One bloke was trying to sell cheap hosiery from his trolley bag to the punters, giving each one in turn a personal display, even when they were playing a strange arcade game, which seemed to be a pinball machine without flippers with a fruit machine bolted on top of it (still confused about that one). At one point he started up trying to sell hosiery to Jules. "At your own risk" we told him. He glanced the spark in her eye and the crazy smile on her lips and decided to cut the demo short. We were a little dissapointed, but it was probably for the best.

Once Sparky and Emma turned up (thankfully not delayed by the strike, which had shut down the Brussels Chunnel service completely last time) we mulled over the possibility of surviving another 2 hours in the railway pub waiting for DP Richard and his mates to arrive without ending up in a fight, catching something, or somehow developing a limp and decided that cowardice was the bettter part of Valour and Rich could find his way to a better pub. We walked over to our current favorite Mohito joint near the Palais de Justice but sadly it was shut. Still not sure why any pub would be closed at 10pm on a Friday night, but there you go. Thankfully the pub next door was open and appeared to be staffed by a 6' 7" bald german sounding bloke the likes of which you might find getting to know a prostitute of questionable gender in, say, Pattaya or Makati City. The beer was OK, and they had a table outside so we settled in.

Richard, Pete and Wendy found us fine and we were just getting into our next round of beers when, from inside, we heard the telltale sound of a glass being dropped. Bound by the age-old tradition of people in pubs, we applauded the mis-hap and had a toast to the waiter or waitress responsible. It was a couple of seconds later, however, when the shouting started that we realised that it wasn't a glass but a bottle and the waitress hadn't dropped it as much as smashed it over some punter's head. After considerably more shouting, a bit of slapping, but thankfully no more broken glass, things appeared to calm down with the waitress and the injured party both vacating the premesis (separately, as is tradition in these cases, I believe.) We never did find out exactly what went on except that the waitress was apparently the big bald german bloke's wife, which is nice.

We relocated home and hoved into the beer that the Smudgers and I had picked up earlier in the day. Sparkey, Emma and the Smudgers turned in at about 2.30, they had a hotel down the road, and DP Richard, Bubble, Pete, Wendy and myself stayed up for another hour or so. Getting up at 9 the next morning was not a very amusing affair. After a couple of hours wandering aimlessly and waiting for, but never catching, a succession of different busses, we ended up in a pub called the Tavernier, which is a studenty hangout in the, errr, student district. Rather than bore you with making up details that, frankly I can't really remember, I'll leave you with a little photo essay. Jules' camera can do this peculiar thing where it takes a double exposure but instead of two pictures overlaid, they are top and bottom in the frame. Completely pointless, of course, until you're drunk and want to know what your kids would look like. The results are not for the faint of heart...

The Smudgers first borne

They say you look like your pet; well our cat actually does look like this. Perhaps.

Sparky and DP Rich's kid would look like, err, Jules' brother.

oh dear

"Are you local?" That's Suffolk kids for you

Mine and Rich's kids would be very brainy

The Smudgers' second is a daughter and, well ... no.

Call the gene police!

Bomber out

2005-10-27T22:59:00.000-07:00

Bomber's beerspot - women and Beer, mix at your peril

so i've been thinking about that link D.P.Richard posted a couple of days back about Toi Senhauser's OPB or "Original Pussy Beer", which is claimed to be made with "trace amount of [her] vaginal yeast" with the aim that;" Experimentation with these historic staple foods, in combination with my own body, helps to build a new artistic dimension". Shockingly, I've come to the conclusion that I'm decidedly pissed off about the whole thing. Look; firstly it's a bird making beer, which - don't get me wrong - is a shit idea. I believe Kaiser Willhelm said "send me a woman who loves to drink beer and I will conquer the world." Well might that have been true, BUT was he further heard to opine, "better that she makes her own beer utilising not brewer's yeast, but her own fanny batter, then the whole universe would be ours"...? Well I don't recall that bit.

Ahhhhhhh! What the fuck's THAT??!!

What next pisses me off about this is the whole americanism of the thing. a "trace amount of my vaginal yeast"? you might as well have said you spat in it. That is all so fucking American ... choose your words carefully ... don't want to be critisised for actually doing something or causing a health hazard bollocks that the whole fucking world is now sufferring from (but for which I blame the Americans, and more specificaly American lawyers, which most American presidents began as, for starting.) The point is to make beer, love, not to ponce around talking about how you put half a scaping off your flaps into a barrel and pretend that it makes it more than contaminated homebrew. If you want to do it right, go on; forget the brewer's yeast, get yourself a good infection and manufacture the lot yourself. THEN I'd accept you're talking about "a new artistic dimension". But your artist's PI policy probably wouldn't cover the fall out of actually getting someone sick now, would it.

Then there's the whole claim about women having "invented" beer; yeah, like that's, like, likely. "Toi" (stupid bloody name) states, "Somewhere between 7,000 to 4,000 B.C ... in Sumeria women invented beer". Well fuck me if she needs a whole 3,000 year window to place the invention of beer, but she still knows it was birds that did it. Well let me tell you, coz I had this out with another American the last Friday. God invented beer, bloody must have done. Look; we had this conversation which started by him asking "who do you reckon first brewed beer?" all friendly like. Then we got to talking about how it was possible to "accidentally" make alcohol from various fruits (ever tried filling a poof with sugar then hanging him from a tree for three weeks in the sun with a straw hanging out of his bum? Same process.) At no point in the converstaion was the use of Lady's Self Raising in the fermentation process mentioned. It became obvious though that, frankly, who would bother even trying this (making booze) with something as revolting looking as hops and barley? And if you did you'd just end up with a can of Gold label and the first taste would convince you to go back to hanging fruits. Makes no sense. Proof of Intelligent Design, I reckon. What else could explain it? God taught it to blokes. Blokes taught it to birds (possibly using sticks to help the learning process.) Birds spent 3,000 years making it for blokes in Sumeria, between bouts of having kids and what and finally they all moved to the UK and started Whitbread. Actually, it sounds like we gave up a good thing there, I suggest a return to the Old Ways. Henceforth all birds shall be forced to make beer for their menfolk (except mine, who hasn't enough time as she needs to earn money for our ski trip next Feb so she's exempt.) I looked this up on the wikipedia repository of all human knowlege, which supports my view. Any suggestion that I wrote any of that article is absurd.

Either way, tomorrow I'm making bread using my knob cheese instead of baking soda. I've been saving the scrapings for a while, but it takes a lot to fill four tea spoons so I need some doners. Any takers? This isn't art, I'm doing it to save money. Answers smeared on a postcard.

Bomber out.

2005-10-26T22:39:00.000-07:00

It's almost the weekend, like I give a shit! and movies movies movies!

Well, I do (give a shit) this week, cause all me mates are coming from Blighty. We've got Smudge and Jules arriving tonight and Richard, Sparky and Emma arriving tomorrow. Richard's bringing two of his mates, who I apparently met at Richard's wedding. I only admit having been at Richard's wedding due to irrefutable photographic evidence of me standing on the bride's train and abusing the presents (separate photographs) and the fact that my camera was full of photos of the wedding and that I woke up in Hawes the following morning, which has to be the funniest place to have a wedding ever. Smudge swears that I will fall in love with Richard's mate once I meet him (again) but that all sounds a bit gay so I'll settle for getting drunk.

The weeks are getting a little boring actually so I've signed up for a French course starting after the mid-term. I'm doing studying type things at home, which is OK, and I get some practice arguing with check-out girls about the price of cat food, but I really need to get into a class (double French, euuugh) and get some garlic on my tongue so I've bitten the bullet and signed up.

We don't have any TV signal type thing (cable, terrestrial or satellite) fitted so have been working our way through our favorite DVDs and some new one's I got from Amazon a couple of weeks ago. Gattaca is still one of the best movies ever. It is just so damn good I would be speechless but for my lifelong bout of verbal diarrhea and, while I am a fan of Uma, I don't seem to hold her in the high sexiness regards that most people do, she is georgeous in this film, even if she still has hands like an NBA star (although whiter). I realised that I still don't understand the end of the night club raid scene, where Uma's thoughts seem to run "oh, you're a murderer (which she clearly thinks e is at this point), in that case I'll sleep with you", but it's a minor logical blip on an otherwise perfect movie.

The Comic Strip Presents has been taking a thrashing aswell. I was a little worried about this. I really enjoyed it as a tweeny and, after waiting for a decade for those cunts at C4 to release it on disc, I was really worried that it might somehow have become shite in the interim. I remember years back re-watching Scooby Doo, which I remembered with such fond memories as a kid (except for the Scrappy episodes, which no serious Mystery Machiner would credit with being a serious part of "the work") only to find out that Scooby Doo somehow became SHIT while I wasn't watching. I was sure it must have been updated or re-edited or I was watching later episodes (you know how these things always go bad in the end etc etc) but Bubble assured me; Scooby Doo has always been like that. I was distraught and felt stupid and cheated all at once. What had they done with my Scooby Doo, the bastards? Well, I was concerned about the same thing with the Comic Strip but I needn't have worried. Well, not too much in any case. I have always known that there were some shit episodes in the series but equally some classics (5 go mad, fist full of TT, Mr Jolly) but what I hadn't realised was how bloddy many of them there were. nearly 40 episodes! Actually top value for around 30 quid so I ordered it up. Andrea seems not so thrilled, but then; a) it's English and b) I have the power of nostalgia on my side. Of course the production quality is pure shit. It looks like what it is; very simply and cheaply produced and shot for TV comedy acting. The projector does it no favors at all. Actually, the production values are so bad that for years I thought it was made by the BBC. Anyhow, it's well worth a view but I think that you need to have fond memories of watching it in your early teens and accept that roughly half of the episodes will not hit the spot, oh, and be immune to Ade Emonson and Rick Mayall's signature whining. Even better if you find it funny, like me. Deffo the Young Ones next.

Unlike in the rest of the French speaking world, they actually do sometimes show English language films in Brussels. Sadly not often (another reaon for learning tLotE) which means to say they probably showed Titanic and they're gearing up to show the Zorro sequal. This was a little confusing for us (in a "that's odd, they're re-releasing that Zorro movie" sort of way) as the only clue the posters on the bus stops gave gave that it might not be the same movie from 10 years back was the omission of Anthony Hopkins from the main credits. Oh, and on closer inspection, that Catherine Zeta Jones has been airbrushed (stretch marks, I expect). Now, when they wait 10 years to make a sequal, you have to think about it. There's a lot of pitfalls here. Let's take Terminator, Alien and 48 Hrs as examples. I think that there are 3 queations that need to be answered;

Was the original good
Does the sequal appear to bring anything new to the story (clues include a different top end director and more characters)
Have the actors all grown old in the interim, andf if so, what has been done about this?

With the Alien / Aliens, they achieved one and two and got away with three. Taking a landmark original movie and changing genres completely with a completely new cast and direction (except Sigourney, who appeared to get away with the time shift, but then the constantly low lighting probably helped there).
With Terminator / T2, no change in director but a seamless extension of the plot line and a 15 year break in the story line to allow John Conner to grow up allowed Linda Hamilton to get a bit older forgivably. Did she do any work in the interim? Arnie gets away with it in T2, although you do need to squint a bit. So they scored three out of three on that. They shat their pants on T3, which of course was a turd of a movie, not least because Arnie was by this time Geriatric (55!) and had to wear a turtle neck to cover the wattles on his neck. And tehy felt the marketing need to have a female terminator, who was unforgivably shit. This annoyed me because I think they scored on Number 2 bringing the story arc to a close with a certain amount of fatalism when, after all that talk of the future is not set, it turns out that you need to do more than blow up a lab to change the tide of (future) history, which I thought was a good line. They just had no excuse to use Arnie a third time (except that, although he's not credited with production, I'm sure that's the reson he was in);

Hollywood; "These are GREAT characters you've written here, James! Who should we use for the good terminator guy? oh, yeah! Let's get the president of California, he's well known and he was in the first two wasn't he?"
Cameron; "Well, he's a bit fucking old, why not have another T2000 or something even cooler. Also, it was a bit of a stretch having the T100 looking the same in the first movies but we got away with it, why push our luck?"
Hollywood; "Well, that's it then, we'll use Arnie and get some bint to be his nemisis, thanks for the support James"
Cameron; "Err... well. Thanks for the writing credits, I'm off diving"

For 48 hrs / Another 48 hrs, well the story's even worse than T3. Pretty good original, same
director, same cast err ... same plot. Why did they make this film? At least Nic Nolte has always looked that old, I guess. 1 out of 3 and that's only for the original film being funny.

That went on a little longer than expected.... back at the batcave

So, Zorro then. Obviously not expecting a trip to the Cinema to see if this franchise has too gone to seed. After all, same director, same cast (are we seeing a pattern here...?), plot set in California. Eh? What's that about, I thought he was Mexican or Spanish or something. I looked this up and blow me but the original Zorro stories were indeed set in "the Precidio of Los Angeles" so perhaps the geography is correct, so there you go. Even so, that Catherine Zeta Jones tart has had a billion kids since the last movie and, while I like Antonio, the only movie he's ever been able to carry on his own was Desperado, and that had Selma Hayek in it ... naked! Well, prehaps I'm remembering what I want to there but anyway, I really don't hold out very high hopes for this flick and wouldn't have talked about it at all, if it wasn't for Vern's review on AICN this morning, which is shockingly positive about the whole thing. He really quite likes it and says if you like the first one and are generally a fan of Banderas (check ... check) then it's worth a go. I still don't completely buy the California connection, though. On the other hand, it does give him the opportunity to fight neocon Christian right wingers (apparently) and perhaps we'll even get to see the govener's cigar on the end of a spike so perhaps there's enough end to justify the blah blah etc etc.

Well, that took (and went on for) far too long. I'm off for breakfast

Bomber out

2005-10-25T00:56:00.000-07:00

Bomber's Bits from the interweb

Morning Proles, all limbered up from yoga, I thought I'd have a mid-week catch up. What, it isn't mid-week yet? I must have forgotten what day it is because I HAVE THE WHOLE OF EVERY WEEK OFF! Sorry, I've been watching too much Rick Mayall recently...

Well, in order to keep you entertained during your dull work day, I have been scouring the interweb for stuff and actually found some that isn't pr0n. Check out these redubbed Dolmio ads. Sound dull? Well they're not. They've been dubbed over in broad Gaswegian (sp...?) and the bits that I can make out are very sweary and quite funny.

B3ta hit the spot again this week. One that had me rolling in the aisles is a description posted by someone in the vein of "would you dare do this to anyone?";

The Spiderman; pulling out just before the vinegar strokes, chucking your fat into your hand, then flinging it in the girls face whilst triumphantly shouting "Go web go!"

Bubble wasn't as impressed as I thought she'd be when I explained to her the reason for my incessant giggling. No sense of humour, girls. Where's Willsy when you need him?

On to Hallowe'en, fast approaching with the arrival of Sparky and Emma, the Smudges, DP Richard and his mates, this idea has been profferred for updating the festivities to appeal to adults. Naturally it involves several pubs. It's known as the Crawl of the Dead and I want to go on one. They give tips on make-up and everything. I need to get the reverand's facial bite mark from NOTLD though, that is far and away the coolest scar ever!

Enough, I have to do me French lessons so I can become an EU spy. Or something.

Bomber out

2005-10-20T22:19:00.000-07:00

Bomber's Belgian beer spot - The Belga Cafe and Girly White Beer

Morning proles, I'm taking time out from my fantastically busy schedule to catch up with you so BE APPRECIATIVE. Actually, I was going to put a link to my Paypal account there, but couldn't work out how. Well, you've got my address, don't listen to the stiffs, send money through the post so I can afford more beer!

Meanwhile at the batcave....

Bubble and I were out drinking last night in this little place in Ixelles. Brussels, you see, has a pub culture almost as engrained as the UK. This distinguishes it from the rest of Europe (except the UK) but (like the UK) means most of the pubs are rotten shitholes about as welcoming as the place in Coed-y-Brenin that Bubble and I went to a few years back where everyone was speaking Welsh, although we could have sworn we heard english being spoken just before we opened the door. It has become paramount, therefore, to find some decent pubs and this is one reason why we were in Ixelles last night. That and I was tired of being treated like Sparky's bitch anyhow. I suppose he was getting payback for all those chauffer's hat comments but whadayaknow. So, this pub is called the Belga cafe and is on the edge of a big square, which would be much more attractive if it wasn't dominated by a big building site in the middle (actually, in the whole thing) full of machinery from the "DE KOCK" plant hire company (made me snigger anyway). The bar itself is one of probably 8 or 10 on the square, making for good short round pub golf possibilities, although I'd be more enthusiatic once the construction work is over and one could relax / relieve oneself against a tree in the central part of the square before moving on to the 5th hole. The Belga cafe itself is art deco-ey with a decent pavement seatin bit, which would be nice but for the building site view. It's quite big inside and obviously gets a fashionable after-work crowd; styles were eclectic and often amusing. Due to the weather at the moment (too cold for my standard wardrobe of short sleeves, not yet cold enough for big wooly jumpers) I turned up in a rugby shirt and felt immediately dull. No change there then.

Like most pubs in Brussels (whether worth their salt or not, it seems), this one has a reasonable selection of bottled beers and several draft offerings. As we can get the bottled beers in our local supermarket (more on that in a future installmant, but the supermarket booze shelves here are a thing to behold) we went for the un-branded (although probably inbev) "Blanche."

Now I introduce you to your first Belgian beer style. I, for one, thought that Belgian beers were all what we would probably classify at home as "winter ales"; strong and heavy as hell, with the added Belgian character of often being >10% and having been made by monks. This type of beer has the distinct advantage of allowing us to get drunk very quickly safe in the knowledge that we're supporting God's work. How wrong I was (at least about the lack of variety). There are, in fact, only 6 "Trappist" breweries, although admittedly several others that produce similar brews. No, the real glory of Belgian beer making seems not to be in the use of the church to start breweries (although this was a pretty good idea) or the Vatican to moderate tham (err...) but in the sheer variety of beers that this small country produces.

Blanche, or girly white in french, describes wheat beer. You've probably all tried it at one stage and it was probably Belgian. The Hoegaarden brewery is in Flemish Brabant, just an hour or so out of Brussels. The guy who started this brewery (and it was only started in its present form about 40 years ago) is credited with teh rebirth of wheat beer world wide. I always avoided Hoegaarden because I thought that that fucking great big glass made the holder look like such a tit but I admit I'm a fan of wheat beers in general. They're a common feature of Canadian Brewing so we always end up with some after a visit to my all-time favorite retail outlet, the Ontario Beer Store when visiting the in-laws. It's a very light beer, very easy on the throat and good for putting away tons of on a sunny afternoon or when you're late to the pub and need to catch up (Hoegaarden is still 6%, no not soooo girly). It doesn't really taste of much, which I suppose is why they put lemon in it, but it's vastly superior to trailer trash juice and just as drinkable. The problem in the Bega cafe is that they sell it in 25cl glasses, which take as long to drain as the change takes in coming. I spent most of the evening at the bar and now I understand the need for those big glasses Hoegaarden uses, although I know that it's really an optical illusion to make it look like you're spilling a litre into your beard when it's really just a pint. No wonder they're owned by the biggest brewery in the world, but more of that in a future entry.

Richard "DP" Collis, two of his mates (apparently part time brewers themselves...), Smudge and Jules and (hopefully, Rail strikes permitting) Sparky and Emma are over next weekend and we're planning a brewery-attached-to-a-pub trip to keep everybody happy. More later

Bomber out

2005-10-17T08:11:00.000-07:00

Afternoon

Look at this jolly little song from Jonti about teh joys of doing your grocery shopping at midnight. Spot Dave from his days plaing in the band...

Actually, everything on this site is ace. Look at all of it.

Bomber out

2005-10-17T01:09:00.000-07:00

Morning all

As I have a short gap in my ever busy schedule of yoga, french lessons, shopping and generally acting like a tai tai without the budget, I thought I'd update you lot on the latest goings on.

We are now fully ensconsed in Brussels. The flat is looking pretty good, I've been busying myself putting up curtains and swearing at Ikea "self build" furniture for the last 2 or three weeks. Got the lawn done last weekend so we're about finished in the flat and I'm getting bored. Of course in Hong Kong I could just go shopping to stave off boredom but here, with currently only one salary, that isn't really an option. bugger! VAT makes everything bloody expensive aswell.

Brussels is a pretty decent place. Exactly as bureaucratic as you would expect the centre of the EU and NATO to be, which means things take forever allowing you to have fun in the meantime. We are planning to get our bike licenses here, it appears to be about the same process as doing it in the UK, but we can't register a vehicle until we get our ID cards and that could take months more yet....!

Then of course there is the beer. About 15% of our household GDP is currently being spent on beer related activities. Enough, in fact, that one of my tasks this week is to recce a cheaper way to get hold of (decent) beer so we can continue drinking at the rate to which we have become accustomed. Belgium reportedly has >400 breweries, not bad for a country of only 10 million population, and produce everything from basic lagers, pilsners, White beers and wheat beers to stouts and ales as well as a very specialised beer called a Lambic, the appreciation of which is a hobby unto itself and something that I am putting quite a lot of effort into at the moment. It's not all >9% bonkers gear either, although much of it is... Andrea suggested the other night that I think about becoming a beer jounalist. I'm not sure she realises what she'd be letting herself in for!

Bomber out

2005-10-11T22:50:00.000-07:00

Morning worker bees

well, bored as I was, I interviewed with Belgo Metal on Monday, they're effectively Permasteel Belgium, but I suppose kept the name to avoid appearing to be the faceless corporate that they ... srr ... are. Actually no, the firm was quite welcoming and is pretty self contained, not to mention based on a brand new campus about 30 Km WNW of Brussels. Looks like a possibility there, and much better money than the pikeys at Scheldebow (Cloggie Gartner, same reasoning, I suppose) although still not London money but then we're not paying London rent I suppose. Actually, between us, disposable will be quite good If I get the job. And that's the problem, really. I've tried convincing them that my school boy french will flourish into full blown fluency within a few short months but I'm not sure they bought it. See how. Looks like they may offer me a month's work on an hourly rate as a trial, so could still be a winner.

All this leaves me stacking the dishwasher and doing the grocery shopping in the interim, which leads me to my French lesson for the day. I was out to buy milk the other day and there was no "Demi ecreme" on the shelf (webfoot for semi skimmed, apparently) or "entier" (meaning "proper") so I picked what I thought was skimmed milk, marked "Battu". Now, turns out that batty milk is neither skimmed nor funny (had me sniggering) but is in fact butter milk. Not very good in coffee either. So, lesson for the future, beware or apparant double entendres; the french invented the word and will use it to take the piss out of you at every turn, and to sell you useless milk.

Already having rambled on too long, I will leave you with the Profani-wiki, a superb project in internet engineering which deserves your support and input. For those unaware, a wiki is a special type of web page / site that anyone can edit. You don't need permission and there's no moderators to speak of. The whole thing is built on trust. Fancy that. The best known wiki is probably the wikipedia, a rather good online recepticle for all the useless knowledge we carry around with us day-to-day. Now fancy this, a wiki which invites you to publish, define clarify and re-define the wonderful world of the English vernacular, especially the rude part of it. This is genius. The frame work is there, all it needs is your input to make it great. I added some stuff to bollocks already, feel free to change it if you want, that's the point.

btw; anyone know anything about Les Arcs? Smudge Sparky, Dread Pirate (which I just realised shortens to DP) Richard and I are thinking of going there skiing next feb with our ~~bitches~~ wives. any good? enough easy stuff for me the beginners?

Bomber out

2005-10-08T00:36:00.000-07:00

Morning all!

short post, I just saw this guardian article on t'internet

It's about the growing rumor that GW claimed to be on a 'mission from god' in Afganistan and Iraq and, more shockingly for his already questionable IQ, that he said it to a bunch of Palistinians. My favoprite quote, however, comes later on;

"We're ~~facing~~ a radical ideology with unalterable objectives: to enslave whole nations and intimidate the world,"

For those of you uninterested in politics or laughing at Americans (freaks!), here's a short about disposable vibrating cock rings from Wired.

Enjoy.

Daph and Derek turn up this afternoon, so Andrea's busy 'improving' the standard of clenliness that I have established in this household. Less for me to do next week.

Bomber out

2005-10-07T06:52:00.000-07:00

Saw this

Laughed till I shat. Had to share

Just finished turfing the lawn, will post requisite lengthy discussion on horticulture and water features in due course.

Bomber out

2005-10-04T22:46:00.000-07:00

Serenity stuff

Brussels continues to get colder and darker, but at least they've got the heating on in the flat. We've got D&D over this weekend and the Smudgers, Dread Pirate Richard and his crew at the end of the month. The grass goes down on the garden this weekend so barbies on the lawn, ... errr ... in the rain and cold. Great

Good news, and The Guardian have an interview with Joss Whedon about Serenity and Wonder Woman. Whedon's quote on Wonder Woman is classic;

Oh, I'm sticking with all the important stuff. The bracelets. The invisible plane. The magic lasso. I will find a way of not making it cheesy

Right on, Joss, got your work cut out for you there I'd say

IMDB has some cool Serenity set pictures aswell. It's due out in the UK this week. Bastards.

Bomber out

2005-10-03T22:06:00.000-07:00

Morning all

Bike ride was ace. Shocks uprated to carry the extra bulk already so no drama there.

The forest near us must have over 200 km of legal bike trails and god knows how many illegal ones. There's a marked out MTB trail (around 25K) which I now have marked on a map and plan to ride later this week. I've ridden parts of it already and it's nothing like as technical as the trail near you but good muddy deciduous woodland fun none the less. We also have some Frog MTB mag which gives details on a trail to the North of the city.

Game stuff and Gamespy has a review on GTA : Liberty City Stories, looks fantastic;

Even though I only got to play a few of the game's many missions, it's pretty
clear that Rockstar Leeds has succeeded in creating a game that retains
everything that makes the GTA series great.

Bomber out

2005-09-30T00:51:00.000-07:00

Morning peeps

The Onion runs a story today about an AIDS awareness campaign being run by the US in Africa. The main message being "you all have AIDS"... made me laugh, anyway

Movie reviews and I was cruising IMDB trying to find out when Mirrormask might be playing en Belgique (it releases in NYC tonight....), looks like I'll have to go to London or wait until the Fantasy film fest here next March. London it is then. To the point and browsing the "to be released in Belgium" list I noticed a flick called Revolver, which I vaguely remember appearing on AICN a while back so I looked it up. This is Guy Richie's new effort, which didn't give me lots of confidence; not because I dislike his other stuff, but I just couldn't stand another round of cockney kor blimey knee slapping. The AICN review places it more in the genre of The Usual Suspects, which is heady praise indeed. In fact, they indirectly describe it as the Usual Suspects, if that film had left you to work out who Keyser Soze was for yourself instead of dropping the "it's HIM" bomb in the last 2 minutes before the credits. The review is long but interesting and best summed up for me by the following quote;

I love how reviewers are dodging the question of whether or not they understood the movie. The Toronto Film Festival review summed it up best saying, "It will keep you guessing until the end credits roll." There are no end credits.

Kronenberg's "A History of Violence" looks good aswell

Finally, the bee in my bonnet and the Brit papers have been full of how some 80 year old CND bloke was kicked out of the Labour Party conference for heckling earlier this week.

"excuse me sir, is you under the influence?"

"Getting shirty are we sir? Oh dear oh dear, thump 'im Clive"

Now, frankly, I don't give a toss about the bloke, or about New Labour acting like the Conservative party-in-red that they have so obviously been for the last 10 years, except to point out that he didn't swear, spoke less than 10 words and the worst thing he accused the politician he was haranguing of was being a liar, which is frankly equivalent to giving him a pat on the back and saying "good job", for a politician. The real kicker for me is that this bloke, apparently very well known within the labour party etc old codger peacenik type, was held by the cops ... under anti-terrorism laws. Fuck, this is EXACTLY what all the pinko-liberal-bleeding-heard-socialist-libertarian types have been warning against for years with these laws. Even the Reverend Blair said on the radio (he made a personal and public apology, believe it or not) that he was sure that the cops didn't think the old guy was a terrorist. Well, where's the fucking enquiry into why they used anti-terror laws to detain someone they had no reason to suspect was a terrorist, then? Oh, you mean the legislation doesn't require reasonable suspicion to be demonstrated. well, well. Finished the Nikopol Trilogy and V for Vendetta recently; we're not so far off, you know.

Anyway, enjoy the weekend in your respective ~~fascist~~ socially responsible states, I'm off for a bike ride.

Bomber out

2005-09-28T07:59:00.000-07:00

morning all

I've actually got some work to do today, but I thought I'd start by boring you lot (again)

First off; our mates on the web. B3ta posted this link entitled "Men of the Internet" Now I know he's never been on the net except to download pr0n, but tell me that the 5th from the left, second row down isn't the elvster late teens / early twenties. Looks exactly like the pictures of him from the wedding.

Secondly, the religious moment. I understand that Dave is in need of the spiritual equivalent of "An idiot's guide to religion" in order to survive his new neighbourhood without burning crosses on the lawn, river dunkings, exorcisms, etc. My longtime fave religious site; landover baptist and their wonderful spokeswoman Betty Bowers (always ready with the honorary first stone) are still going strong despite efforts to have them shut down, or promote them, depending if you believe the Objective: Landoverbaptist shutdown campaign was real or a hoax. Personally, I'm sticking with real; "The internet was invented by Americans, America is a Christian nation, therefore the internet is Christian and so we shouldn't allow any publication that criticizes or in any other way undermines Christians" is a superb piece of logic, unfortunately lost to us as the site seems to have been pulled.

B3ta again with 2 superb entries. First, they ran this link a couple of weeks ago, which is a cartoon aimed at explaining the differences between Christianity and Islam. The main thrust is that Mohammed was a paedophile... Read and Believe. They also ran an image contest to see how you would improve the image of the church. My personal fave was a sign that read "Charlotte Church, come inside" but they chose this which I grudgingly admit (between spitting out my breakfast laughing) is better. Be sure to click the display image full size thingy so you can read the text ... Let there be Sprite!

Ohh, and finally; try this puzzle game to wile away your work day... you have to sit through a stupid ad for some american car first, but the game is bloody addictive, if reminiscent of Mr Rubik and his nerd cube.

Bomber out

2005-09-27T07:59:00.000-07:00

Break out the Pr0n, I'm back on line!

In an unprecedented move by Belgacom, they got the ADSL line activated in only 2 weeks, a significant improvement on the estimated 4! I can feel several days of not getting dressed coming on. Frankly, I only got dressed last week to go to the internet cafe and to get frites. Well, they're not fussy at the fritterie, I'm sure they'll put up with me in my grubbies.

So excited I haven't actually prepared anything for you, just wanted to spread the news!

Bomber out

2005-09-23T03:11:00.000-07:00

Inflatable pub

Possibly the best idea I've seen ever. Every home needs one. Sad thing is, of course they'll all be Irish...

Bomber out

2005-09-21T02:07:00.000-07:00

Book and opera ideas…

A life of leisure gives you a whole lot of time to come up with silly ideas. Here’s mine, which revealed itself to me while watching a guy planning his trip to Asia on the tram yesterday;

Asia on a G-string - All you need to know about travel and shagging in the Far East, The ultimate sex tourist’s guide!

Where to get your nipples felt but not your wallet!
How to negotiate with Brass! Always ask for a free sample!
Where to get jiggy jiggy for FREE!
Unlock exotic secrets such as the Hot and Cold Surprise!
How to avoid getting your wallet emptied!
How to avoid VD / pregnancy / marriage!
Post-tsunami discounts!
PRE-tsunami discounts (shout “wave” and see how many you can get on your old chap at once!)
more more more, oh yes more!

Includes pull out maps of all major jiz-joint locations, bars are ranked by the quality of their girls, the % rip off compared to normal bar prices and the connections that the owner has with the local force! Hotels are ranked by hourly rate and % chance of lice infection!

Special supplement; How to avoid bumping into the Seventh fleet. Free cut out American phrase book in case of an unavoidable encounter; they’ll think you’re one of their shipmates when you come out with such arcane Americanisms as “Gee, these bitches is HOT!” and “is that US dyallars ma’am?”

Field researched by our special consultants in Thailand, The Phillipines, Singapore etc, this is THE guide to getting your rocks off in Asia. They’re always working to update their research, so we’ve included a web service so you can keep right up to date with the latest police crack downs, disease outbreaks and discounted shag hotels!

Also available in German with special section on how to spot the lady-boys for a night of young-boy fun, Ya!

Unfortunately I should have had this idea 4 years ago when I HAD a network of researchers, but now you’re all married and I’d have to rely on Scots Mark, who, aside from constantly proving himself unreliable, is even claiming to have a girlfriend these days (although he did meet her in the “Duty Free” at Angeles airport, which is a funny name for it, really).

Also had an idea for a Korean opera / Who comeback tour “Kimchi Wizard” but that one’s a little disposable, frqnkly

See? Just exploding with ideas!

Bloody Magic numbers were sold out and ex-executive Elv's suggestion didn't work so we went out for dinner instead. I’m going to try for FLC and Stereophonics tickets today. See how, lah!

Bomber out

2005-09-20T02:27:00.000-07:00

Hi fellas

Just a short note to let you know that I arrived in Brussels safe and sound on the weekend. Still no internet at home, although the ADSL modem is now physically in the flat, so probably maximum a month to get it connected up. I have a full set of contact details now, they are;

phone; +32 2 344 9893
mobile; +32 4995 30798
Address;
100 Ave Winston Churchill
Uccle
1180
Brussels
Belgium

I offered up my ~~bottom~~ services to the firm in HK and have 2 thingies on in the next couple of weeks, one in Austria and one in Paris or Lyon (not confirmed yet). I have tried to sell myself as "the bloke you trust in Europe" on the basis that it would be cheaper to send me to Austria on a glass inspection than someone from HK. This sounded like a good idea at the time but it has quickly become clear that it might be more difficult than it at first seems. See; it cost 7,000 HKD for me to fly return from Brussels to Hong Kong. A flight from Brussels to Austria is, wait for it, 700 Euro, or exactly the same price. The train costs 350 Euro and takes 12 hours each way, for fuck's sake. I'm going to need to find a cheaper way of doing this or my flow of work won't last long. Paris is no stress, 50 euro or so and an hour and a half on the train but if you want to mix it up with the Krauts, get your cheque book out. Out of the UK a lot of this is pretty do-able, because of all the discount monkeys operating. Out of Brussels, there are far fewer choices, though. In fact, the cheapest way might be to transfer through Stanstead. Satying overnight in that town will be a laugh...

Brussels is fun so far. TONS of beer, which I intend to start covering in a weekly beer spot, and LOADS of bands. The Magic Numbers play tonight, Stereophonics and Fun Lovin' Crims later this month, the Stripes, Starsailor and Oasis in October. This is roughly the volume of quality live music that I have experienced in the whole of last 12 years rolled into a 6 week period. Even better (how could it be better, I hear you gasp!); ticket prices are generally around 20 Euro, about a third of what you'd pay in HK for the same thing. Work? who needs it?!

Bomber out

2005-09-09T21:55:00.000-07:00

Ooooh

Gamespot reviews Burnout Legends for PSP

All in all, Burnout Legends is pretty much exactly what you would want from a handheld Burnout game. The marriage of all the best aspects of the first three Burnouts into a single package makes for a deep, lasting game that also manages to be a consistently challenging and exciting endeavor pretty much the entire way through. While the PSP isn't exactly suffering from a dearth of quality racers, make no mistake about it: Burnout Legends is the best racer the PSP has to offer, and any PSP owner should definitely check it out.

*Drools*
Eyes soon to be bleeding, but this time on teh bus

Bomber out

2005-09-08T20:00:00.000-07:00

2 Movies from the Gattaca guy and Dave gets a good talking to

AICN ran a review on a movie that looks very promising; Lord of War. It’s a morality play with Nicolas Cage, Ethan Hawke and Jared Leto, written and directed by the Genius that gave us Gattaca and The Truman Show (ok, and S1m0ne but you can’t have everything). This is enough to get me drooling, frankly. Even if it’s not SciFi. AICN rank the movie but dis the credits;

“And what frustrates me about Lord of War is that the other 99% of the film is just so damned good. Truly inspired, fascinating work.”

Also, you don’t call movies about blowing things up “work” so I will have to engage my brain while watching. Another upcoming from the same director is the very interesting looking Paani which looks to be borrowing from JG Ballard’s The Drought but set in Bombay. Unfortunately there seems to be a romance involved, so it can’t be an adaptation but hopefully there will be things blowing up and I am immediately enamored of any movie not set in the USA.

Sorry to here about Dave getting sick and being declared too unhealthy to be alive (serves you right for letting the doctors have a look up there mate.) Hope you get better soon so you can stop being moralized at by doctors. It’s just a bit of puppy fat mate.

I have an old school mate going to Oz soon, not sure if he’s just there for a holiday or something more permanent. I told him to pitch up on the blog and start hurling abuse and he should get a Barbie invite before long but we’ll see what happens.

In the immortal words of Shonen Knife;

One week, One week, One week, One week, One week, One week, One week … has … seven … days

Bomber out